My Life After Mormonism

Sweet Jebidiah

2006-12-20T15:43:00.000-08:00

Life is so fun. My life, like I mentioned in my last post, has gotten so much easier. No more invisible gods to please, no more invisible supermen to 'save' me from my sins. It's just me and my pals. That's all.

Life keeps getting better

2006-11-06T16:19:00.000-08:00

It's been a year since I've last stepped into an LDS church, and I couldn't be happier. I can't believe how much easier my life has been. There aren't any more conflicts in my life, nothing that has to change, and I can live day to day without any guilt, fear, or suffering from some imaginary reality.

Fuck the church.

Fuck those stupid bitches that think you should go sit in a chair for three hours and listen to someone that you don't know, that you've never met, that has no understanding of your circumstances and position in life, and have them tell you how you are not living correctly. What a fucking ridiculous system.

Since I've left BYU, and since I've stopped going to church, there are no more conflicts in my life, and I can't believe how easy life is. The biggest thing I have to worry about these days is where I'm going to eat lunch (and more often than not it's at Subway).

So, here's to my past life as a mormon, and here's to my so called education. You did nothing but fuck with my mind and brainwash me :-)

Patterns of Life

2006-09-13T20:28:00.000-07:00

The Pattern of the Sad life

1. Do not forgive: anger and hate are very rich, deep, and enjoyable emotions, but unless you can forgive yourself and those that have hurt you, your soul can never move on from that pain associated with certain actions.

2. Play the victim: it's always someone else that has hurt you, wronged you, or is not correct, and you can't help but feel victimized when something bad happens to you.

3. Think only about your own problems: Focus on everything that is wrong. Really, this is just the pain of feeling pained. It's not that your problems are even that serious, you're just comparing them to an ideal reality where there are no problems, and now your reality doesn't match up to that, which causes you pain and anguish.

4. Find fault: Reality is self-reinforcing, and if there really is no fault, you will create it.
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The Pattern of the Good Life

1. There is no where you have to be, and there is nothing you have to do: understanding this eases the mind and allows it to be free from the demands and duties that we place onto life. Nothing is really that important. There really isn't anything that you are going to do that will matter in the long run.

2. pain comes from our concepts about what life should be: pain is felt only when our emotions are tied to certain outcomes. The outcomes do not match our shoulds, and we are pained. But the pain is only from having our expectations not met; when we realize this, we then let go of our expectations and live in this life, not the life of the 'shoulds' or 'oughts'.

3. Fill your life with the beautiful: Figuring out what good there is to be found in life, and then enjoying that good on a daily basis.

4. You act, you are not acted upon. You don't let other's decisions determine your own understanding or attitudes. You're not the victim, you're acting. You're not preoccupied with all the things that have not been done for you, because you realize no one owes you anything, and so you move on with your life and create it the way you want it to be.

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It's easy for me to see how much I've been living in the pattern of the sad life. I hope to be able to move on from here, and get myself into the pattern of the good life. We'll see.

Starting to reflect

2006-09-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've always thought about meditating, and I even took a Buddhism class at BYU (what a mind job that was) so I've had assignments that involved meditating, but I don't think I've ever felt comfortable enough with myself to really try it. Until last night.

I've finally made enough distance between myself and the church/BYU that I'm starting to relax a little. No more constantly checking and rechecking to see if I'm in line with the other believers around me; no worrying about measuring up to some other worldly ideal; no more trying to change myself to be like the Mormon god; it's just me now. There's no one I have to answer to, and there's no one in my life demanding me to be this way or that. I'm almost in the complete opposite direction of where I was five years ago on my mission. I answer to no one.

It's a very sobering thought, and I think it's taken me long enough to realize that there really are no demands in life, only the ones we put on ourselves. It's easy to say that, but so much harder to existentially live it.

So last night was the first time that I started to really look inward, which, to me, is what mediation is all about. I sat there in silence in my living room. It was late so the streets were quiet and most everyone was asleep. I tried concentrating, but the hum of my computer was so loud, that I had to turn it off. There are so many things demanding our attention all the time, and when I was sitting there, I couldn't think until it was as quiet as I could make it.

For the first time in a long time, I really appreciated the silence. I just sat and listened, but something didn't seem quite right; it was too silenced. So I opened the window in the living room, and I could hear the nature outside. There must be something about the pace of nature found outside of our modern life. We try to bring nature into our lives with grassy lawns, or fountains in the building, but there's such a disconnect most times that we have to take camping trips. Ultimately, I think it's the pace of nature that we are wanting; we call it peace and quiet, but it's actually quite loud at times. So there must be more to it than just getting away from it all, because even when we get away, we're somewhere that's very alive.

I listened to the frog's croaking outside my window; the frog's voice would pulse, just like a heartbeat. I think that is the pulse of nature. If we could be still enough, we would feel that beat, and I think that is the beat of life, and I'm going to try to make that the beat of my lifestyle, not the modern clock we've created for ourselves.

Trying to quiet my mind was so difficult. I had thoughts that would zoom here and there; they were solutions and questions about my day, my life, and I couldn't stop them from coming. I think all those thoughts are really the attempts of my mind to find stability. I come up with the solutions, but the questions just keep coming, so it can't be that I'm really figuring anything out because once I've answered the question, another problem arises. So there must be something that the mind needs by creating all these problems that need solving, some sort of stability that it can hold on to, at least for a second, when it figures out an answer.

I realized that if I was ever going to get anywhere, I had to be able to think on one thought for a long time. I thought I would just try and concentrate on one phrase and go from there:

I am loved.

I started repeating that phrase slowly in my mind, and it still was difficult to not have other thoughts come racing in. At this time, I was sitting in my chair and facing towards the window; I wasn't in any unusual position, just sitting. I tried connecting my middle finger to my thumb on each hand, and that seemed to do something for me. I think that the reason most people meditate in certain positions is to allow certain parts of our mind to concentrate on keeping the position while other parts are allowed to be open to our thoughts.

There are three main parts to our minds; the intellect, the emotions, and the instinctual side. We make decisions with all three, but I think in meditating in certain positions, we allow the intellect to occupy itself with maintaining the position while the emotions and our instinctual mind can be free to concentrate on our thoughts. At least that's what if felt like for me while I held my hands that way. I didn't sit in any different position, but just held those certain fingers together.

And then I started repeating that phrase, trying to concentrate on the phrase itself and on the meaning of it. My mind started to quiet itself, and I started to look at the reasons I did certain things in my life. I still wanted to try to concentrate on that one phrase, but I just couldn't help examining the things I did in life. I think it's healthy to do that, but at the same time, I don't think my mind is really ready to look at what is really going on, at least until I can focus my thoughts enough to really look at my life.

So that's the goal. I'm going to try focus my mind with meditation over the next few days and weeks. We'll see how it goes.

Ensign to the nations? Get a fucking clue.

2006-08-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to think about Salt Lake City as an ensign to the nations. Or, god willing, Jackson County, Missouri (the place of the future Mormon City) as an Ensign to the nations. Why? Because they're landlocked and isolated. What's with these religious leaders; how can they think the way to influence other nations is to cut yourself off from them?

No, if you want to see someone that is a standard to other nations, you look at New York, London, Hong Kong, Tokyo, etc., what do these powerful cities all have in common? Yeah, you guessed it; they're port cities. They have contact with the outside world on a daily basis! Other nations go to them to establish and engage in trade. Their proximity to the ocean facilitates that trade, and so, these cities have power and persuasion over other countries. When other countries engage in trade with them, the traders can't help but pick up on the new and different ideas and cultural values they see. And then, they take these new ideas and values home.

Why would anyone nation or trader go to Jackson County, Missouri? They wouldn't. There's nothing there! They would have no reason to go there, no trade to engage in, and so the church would have no means of really influencing these nations.

It was such a joke to see all the church leaders talking about the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City. They said it was the fulfillment of prophecy to have all the nations come to Utah for these Olympic games. Wrong. They weren't coming to Utah for the gospel, they were coming because of the fucking snow. That's why they came. That's what they wanted.

If I were a church leader and had two cents of understanding, I would start buying up real estate in a port city, like San Fransisco. With all the church's money I'm sure this wouldn't be difficult, and then I would put myself in the position of the primary trader to the outside world. Then, as other nations would come to trade, they would also start to pick up on aspects of my religion; it would expose them to new ideas that they could then take home with them. In this way, I would be influencing the world through trade, just like the Greeks, Egyptians, British, Americans, Japanese, etc.,

Or, I could get 10,000,000 acres in the middle of fucking nowhere and sing hallelujahs all day long and hope that my prayers would influence the rest of the world. And then I'd ride the wild unicorns.

Jesus died for us, now get over it.

2006-08-24T00:28:00.000-07:00

I had a talk with a good friend the other day, and we were talking about our ol pal, Jesus. We were chattin about our missions and how every single moment we tried to think thoughts of Christ; we spoke of Christ, we praised Christ, we worshipped Christ. But then my pal asked me a question:

If you saved a kids life, would you want that kid to worship you?

Well, kinda. I thought about that for a minute, and then it hit me: Jesus wouldn't want us to worship him, he would want us to live our lives. He would want us to dance and be grateful we were alive because he saved us, not to spend all of our waking moments thinking about how great and wonderful he is. He doesn't give a shit! Get over it!

At least that's what I think. If I saved a kids life (kinda what Jesus has done for us) I would tell that kid not to mention me again, and to live his life by embracing and enjoying it.

Or you could spend your days on your knees weeping to Jesus, for the love.

Free at last

2006-08-24T00:06:00.000-07:00

Thank god almighty I am free at last.

It's been about 8 full months since the last time I walked through the doors of my mormon church. Eight wonderful months. Sundays are so refreshing now :-)

I've never felt so free of all the emotional, guilt-ridden, hyper-religious reality in my whole life. I'm finally free from their grasp, and it feels good. It feels great.

I'm in a situation now in my life where I make the calls; I decide what is good and what is bad; I decide what I should do with my life and how I do it. Not god, not the spirit, not the brethern, not my culture, and not my church. Can you imagine the freedom? Can you imagine what that feels like?

Whenever I get some guys from the elders quorum over I usually ask them when was the last time they can remember that they made a decision for themselves, not for Jesus, the spirit, their wives, their mothers, their church, but just because they wanted to do it. Usually, they have to think long and hard, because they don't even realize how much they have given away to others.

I'm still in Provo. I plan to move relatively soon, but after I've stopped my attendance at church and BYU, Provo has grown on me. I like it here, at least until Winter comes.

The Pattern of Emotional Control

2006-07-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

Something for the kids. Feel free to make a copy and print it out to carry around with you in your wallet. So the next time a church leader tells you to consult your bishop with your major decisions in your life, you can just show him this simple illustration.

No thanks, bishop; I don't want to be controlled and eaten by you.

Do you have an addiction?

2006-06-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

We are all aware of the common addictions of life, drugs, food, money, sex, etc., but have you ever considered that you may be addicted to certain emotions?

Just like certain drugs, our emotions can create a powerful feeling inside of us, and because that emotion makes us feel so much, we may be addicted to it.

Why do the same things keep happening to me?

In life, there are literally millions of possibilities for us to choose. We could do any number of things everyday. So, if we could choose so many different things in life, why does it seem that the same types of circumstances repeat themselves in our lives? It doesn't matter where you go, it seems that the same things happen to you over and over.

It's possible that you are addicted to the emotions that are created whenever that something happens. Because you are addicted to it, and you want to feel it, you will create it in your life. It's not just God that creates these patterns in your life, it's you! Part of you creates the circumstance that enables the emotions to be created where you can get your emotional high. You're an addict of your own emotions!

Why is this good to know?

When you start to realize that it's not God that creates these 'lessons' of life for you, but you create them because you want to feel them, then you can start to take control of your life. Just like an addiction to drugs will control you and make you do some things you probably never would have, when you are addicted to these emotions, you will do things in life that you probably wouldn't have but you do them because you want to feel those emotions.

So we are creating our problems?

In a very real way, yes. If you stop and look not just at the problem, but what emotions you experienced as you had that problem, you will be one step closer to understanding why you would want those feelings.

For instance, say that no matter where you go, you always seem to find a way to get into a confrontation. You obviously have been wronged by someone, and so you stick up for yourself and make them realize what an ass they are! But this seems to happen over and over to you, even in different towns and cities. So even though the variables keep changing, like the city and the people, the constant remains the same, you get into confrontations with people that have obviously wronged you, you stick up for yourself and then tell them off. Could it be that you are addicted to that emotion? You are emotionally addicted to that confrontation.

How can I tell what emotions I'm addicted to?

When you look at your life, what do you see? What patterns seem to happen to you over and over again, regardless of the place or time? You can compose a mini-science experiment on your life to see what emotions you are addicted to. There are variables, and then there are constants. What is constantly happening to you even when you change the variables, or circumstances, in your life?

Once you have determined what keeps repeating in your life, you can then start to look at what emotions you feel as those things happen to you. Perhaps you really are addicted to suffering, so you create situations where that happens, or perhaps you are addicted to feeling in control, so you create the situations where you get that emotion. As you start to look at what emotions are attached to your repeating pattern, you will then be on the road to being in control of your emotions, instead of them controlling you.

There are all sorts of addictions to our emotions that we should look at. Once we understand that life can be an infinite amount of possibilities, but the same thing keeps happening to us, then we can start to uncover why it is that those things keep reoccurring and whether or not we really want them to keep happening. We co-create our own reality with God. We can influence it and change it, and so it's up to us whether or not we want to really be in control of our emotions, and ultimately, the life that we create.

Thoughts create life

2006-06-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

The understanding that our thoughts have power to create

Can we influence life and reality?

I believe that we are active co-creators of reality with everyone around us. Each of us has a consciousness which produces thoughts. These thoughts could be seen as waves of life. These waves give life to and form different elements of matter. As many small, similar forms of matter cling to each other, the thoughts begins to be constructed into reality. As these constructions grows, it acquires other forms of energy that are similar to it until the reality and life is created.

An experiment to see how thoughts form different crystal patterns in water.

The left water was labeled with "Thank you" and the right crystal was formed while playing a symphony by Mozart.

Water changes rapidly and is unstable. Dr. Masaru Emoto, who discovered that molecules of water are affected by our thoughts, words, and feelings. Since humans and the earth are composed mostly of water, it helps us to understand the power that our thoughts have in creating our life and reality around us.

Dr. Emoto conducted experiments on water where he would place labels of words next to distilled water and watch the patterns that would form as crystals.

The water on the left was labeled as 'demon' the water on the right was labeled with 'you make me sick'.

It's amazing to see how elements of water responded to the labels that were placed next to them. We can see that our own bodies, which are about 90% water, might be affected by these thought patterns.

It is possible that thoughts can actually be toxic to the body. And it is also possible that our body can be ordered through beauty.

What does that tell us about the ideas and thoughts that we have and that we are exposed to?

It's possible to see that our thoughts have a real affect at creating the life and reality around us. I think, then, we should really try to be conscious of the different forms of energy and thoughts that surround us and that are in our lives because they have the power to create life.

http://www.hado.net/gallery.html

How people are like dogs and cats

2006-06-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

What is so different about dogs and cats? Dogs are usually genuine, lovable, trusting, and loyal. Cat's are likely to be self-interested, coy, curious, a bit arrogant, haughty, and concerned about themselves.

What can we learn from dogs and cats that can help us understand different ways of looking at life?

There are many people that have the same type of dispositions as dogs. They're genuine. If they love you, they'll show you. If you scare them, they'll bark at you. Dogs love life and they love others, and they show that. That's wonderful, but it opens them up to a huge disadvantage: others will use the genuineness that dogs have against them. They will control them through their weakness, their weakness being that they trust others. Because dogs can't imagine that someone would use genuineness against them, they don't ever question it.

People can be very similar to dogs. They are genuine with their feelings; they're open and honest, and they want to help. They trust others, and they trust that others will have the same way of looking at life; that's what makes them so lovable, because they see the world that way and they can't help treat others with the same type of love.

Are there people that have the same dispositions as cats?

Yes. There are people that use the same type of feelings as dogs, love, loyalty, trust and genuineness, but they manipulate these feelings to make others look towards them. Like cats, these people don't actually care about others, they simply want to use them as a way to get attention and have control over them.

These types of people will use emotions to control you. They use fear, guilt, shame, love, and your self-worth against you to make you do what they want you to do. They live in an emotional reality, where emotions rule the way they make decisions, look at life, and how they communicate with others.

Dogs live on the surface; they're not concerned about using people, so they would never suspect others to use them. Cat's live below the surface; they use the same types of words and emotions that genuine animals use, but they use these emotions to make others do what they want. What do they want? Control. Why? Because when you live in an emotional world like they do, they don't have anything to hold onto. On the inside, they are lost in a storm of emotion, and so to get control on the inside, they will try and control others on the outside so they feel like they have some control. But it doesn't work. Why not? Because they are trying to solve an internal problem externally. They never get to the source, and so they can never solve the problem.

Are there people out there that manipulate the good, the love, and the trust that others have to gain control?

If you do not realize this, then you are in danger. You are in danger of being controlled by people who want control. They will use the same words you use, they will talk the same way, they will say the same phrases, but they do not live on the surface, they are only using these things to get you to do what they want.

How can I tell if the person is like a cat or a dog?

If the person genuinely loves you, they will never want to control you. They will never want to make your decisions. They don't care about decisions, they care about love and trust.

If the person is trying to control you, they will have you look to them when you make your decisions. Your world will be preoccupied with them, you'll think about how they are feeling and if you have hurt them, and they will use all of these emotions to make your world revolve around them.

Women do this very well. Not all woman, but many woman. They will give the man a little bit of love, but they will end up telling the man what to do in all of his decisions. The man will not be able to make any decision without his wife's consent, and the woman will be over the man, telling him what is ok and what is not ok to do.

The church is the same way. The church is much like a manipulative woman; it follows the same pattern of control. They use words like truth, love, and god in order to bring you in. And then, they will start to take away your decisions. Your life will start to revolve around the church. You will start to ask your bishop about major life questions, even though it is your life and he will never fully understand the particulars in your life. You will start to ask God if each decision you make is what he wants you to do, much like an emotional abusive woman would have her husband act. The husband will look to the wife in every decision. Never trusting himself, always giving away his decisions to his wife.

The church will say that they are about truth and light, but they only ever talk about what the leaders say. They only read conference talks about the latest words from the leaders, they quote previous leaders and their opinions about life, and they will have you memorize the leaders words. They don't have storehouses of truth from toasim, buddhism, science, literature, history, etc., in fact, these things really don't matter to them, all they want you to focus on is what the leader says and how to obey the leader. Like a cat, they will use the words of truth and light, but they never seem to go beyond their own words.

Another way they will try to control you is to hurt you emotionally. They will call you names or find a tiny piece of your words they can use to control you. They don't really care about what you say or what you're trying to say, they just want to control, so they find something obscure and meaningless to get you to look towards them. Because you are genuine, you think they are being genuine too, and perhaps there is something to what they are saying, but your are mistaken. They are not looking for understanding, they are looking for control. They don't ask questions, they tell you where you are wrong.

They will also get emotional to try and control you. For instance, they will cry and cry in order to get you to look at them and ask what is wrong. They won't ever tell you, or they will say they don't know, because if they did tell you, you might have a chance of fixing the situation, and they would never want that, because then they would lose their control they've gained over you.

Why are church leaders so emotional? Why do they cry almost every time they give a talk? Is is normal for a grown man to cry? Some leaders are genuine, but when you live in that emotional reality, and you are genuine, it becomes very difficult to tell who is genuine and who is not. The only way is to look at what they are saying. Are they trying to get you to look to them to understand your own life? Are they trying to get you to consult them and their god before you make a decision? If so, you must be careful.

How do you stop from being controlled by them?

The answer is pretty simple. Start living your own life. Start making your decisions for yourself because you want to make them. Do not consult them when you are trying to make a decision. Even if you make a mistake, that is ok. You will learn from your mistakes, and you will not make it the next time. Life is about learning from our mistakes and then getting better. But you'll never be on that road to independence as long as you are always looking back to someone else to help you make your decisions.

When you stop caring about what the controlling person wants, then you will be able to move on with your life. They will scream and yell, they will tell you you are going to hell, or that god will be angry with you, but don't listen to them. God wants you to be you. He wants you to develop and grow in your own life in your own way. You are a unique flower that can only bloom when you believe in yourself enough to open your petals to the sunshine. Don't let them hide the beauty and life that is inside of you. Don't let them stop you from blooming. Life is an adventure, and making your own decisions is the first step.

The mormon tower.

2006-06-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

I can see off in the distance in my mind a picture of the emotional context of the mormon church. I’m going to paint it for you.

It looks just like the lord of the rings tower. A giant structure reaching towards the sky, with a society gathered around it in a circle. But, the L. of the rings movie didn't have it right; there would never be just one great wizard in the tower; there would be an entire Order. There would be the grand wizard, his complementary mindmen, and their complementary mindmen followers/disciples; there would be several levels to this hierarchy and each circle (level) would have larger and larger numbers and the disciples less able. At the bottom would be the grand wizards small army - millions of followers. Stupid. Blind. And trusting. Each tower would represent a different order, and on the great stretch of the continent, there would be many, many different towers. Each tower holds a different grand master who has their followers living in a particular emotional reality that he has created with its particular gods and conceptions of the meaning in life.

They want control. Because they know the mind, the emotions, and the soul they become wizards, or knowers of the mind and emotions. They intuitively use their knowledge of the power of fear, death, very emotional feelings like sex, familial and communal ties, sacrifice, etc. to control others. They have great power, but because they seek to rule over others and not let others rule themselves they are ultimately limited. They can only pull certain types of people out of reality (emotional types), and they place onto their minds an emotional context that has nothing to do with every day life, designating certain actions to mean something far greater than they really are. Basically, they create emotional myths that their followers live and die in.

Each tower would be a type of an emotional generator that would attract a certain type of person from the greater civilization. They will never be able to control the entire society - they don't want to. They want the weak, those that are trusting, and cannot think for themselves, and then they raise their children for the them, generation by generation. They get all of them to look towards the leaders, telling them to never even move or blink without their approval, direction, and designation. All of their followers look like them, talk like them, fuck like them, and they (followers) never stop talking about them (leaders), or the paradigm they (leaders) created for them. It is evil, because they use the good and the truths of our emotional selves to get others to only look at them, never telling the people to trust themselves and their personal particular capacities, to be their own self, extending with their particular capacities to lift up the entire civilization towards the greater good. No, they never reorder the entire society, lifting up the whole, they just have their few, stupid followers looking up at them all day long, chanting, singing, and worshiping them. I remember last year there was a birthday party for the prophet. There were over 20,000 people there, and the news did an interview with some of the guests. These guests were literally weeping as they explained how grateful they were to be there. At his birthday party. Crazy. These wizards wield more power over the mind than you can possibly imagine.

Welcome, to Christ's emotional world.

2006-06-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

For me, it's quite difficult to believe one can accurately follow someone else's way of being whom they have never seen themselves, especially someone who lived a million paradigms ago; it is obvious that one is following one's interpretation of that person, rather than christ himself (or what Christ represented). For instance, the new testament movie shows christ as a blond hair, blue eye nordic being (I think the guy that played him was actually from denmark). Just as the aesthetics have been revalued to fit the leaders' likeness, so have Christ's teachings. Today, 'church' (more in Utah than anywhere else) is nothing more than a commercial social network, a social hierarchal position measuring mechanism, and a rameumptom alter.

Ultimately, 'Christ's' followers are nothing more than slaves (being commanded in all things) with tits (effeminized males), who think 'serving your fellow man' means mowing lawns and moving furniture, they experience reality in an hyper-emotionalized, apocalyptic vision where it makes sense to have a 'two year supply' of beans in your basement and leave your home and family to live in a foreign country (you are never actually mentally in the country, the country is just a contextual variable that has no real significance; it and its people are used as a means to further indoctrinate the emotional missionary into the mormon paradigm) for two-years where you cannot read any outside material (newspapers, books, magazines) or talk with your family for more than 20 minutes a year. Crazy. They are slaves with tits who ride an emotional tornado, because they have no understanding of the human's emotional needs. So, their emotional needs are manipulated, misdirected, and are feasted upon by false priests who oppress.

It may be the case that we are using Christ's identity to embrace a psychological, mythic sensibility, which we have had a large part in constructing that actually has nothing to do with Christ but everything to do with our own emotions. But, what is important to me is the modern experience of 'Christ'.

He now represents much more than we realize: individual power over individually irrelevant circumstances, the pacifier of mental shame through simple actions (baptism) and non-action (faith), the ultimate psychological decision stabilizer in inherently risky existence (looking to leaders to know how to act even on one's honeymoon (I'm not kidding), a paradigm where trivial actions become cosmological significances whose inconsequential results equal eternal luxury, an intimate non-existent companion who gives unending direction, counsel, and relief (like using 'GOD' to find your lost car keys), a 'known' celestial illusion to be relieved from overwhelming, unconquerable contexts, the complete annihilation of the self for the other which becomes the means of gaining extramundane validation (using people as a means to secure your 'love' and from God), security, peace, aggrandizement, literal mansions, etc., the chief who deserves every sacrifice of devotion, and the authority who gives social prestige by giving a deindividuational, 'chosen' identity from the 'unchosen', 'wicked' group through the 'opposition to and morally superior' heroic/savior/judging executioner mentality. And much, much more. I will spend a great more time on deconstructing this paradigm.

Awesome emotional power exists behind the experience of Christ. There also exists great evil in this experience. The temptation to personally dictate to others in his name, as opposed to teaching correct principles and allowing people to govern themselves, is almost beyond comprehension. Unfortunately, the cost of using his name in this way is the antithesis of the essence of pure religion: the usurpation of the individual's authenticity.

Christ has also broken through some psychological barriers that no other human being has even ever considered. For instance, he said that the children of God love their enemies. If you see that the enemy is just the contempt for yourself placed onto another, then Christ holds a key to true psychological wholeness.

Ultimately, these followers live in an emotional reality that has no stability, no future, and no joy in the moment and the goodness that this world has to offer. Subconsciouslly, like their personal lives, they are proud of the fact that their state is one of the most polluted in the nation, because it means that their god has to come and 'save' them, which is just a heightened emotional experience.

There is way too much to write on this; but, i will go down the line and show you how they emotionally manipulate our minds and our emotions. They are children lost in their self-created, fear-based delusions. They have a lot to offer the world; in more ways than one.

The truth is Christ has done more for our psyche than we can possibly imagine, and we have done more to 'Christ' than we could possibly accept.

What is the good?

2006-06-10T13:10:00.000-07:00

Part of the 'good' is to make your own decisions. The 'good' could be described as an individual believing in themselves to act on their own understanding.

Why would that be good?

Each of us is unique. Each individual has developed certain traits and talents that if acted upon, will bless them and everyone around them. As you act and are in control of your own decisions, you will start to see yourself grow and become a unqiue, powerful individual.

How do you participate with the good?

When you start to make your own decisions in life, you will see that you have a natural talent towards a certain aspect of life. As you make tougher and tougher decisions, you will grow in strength and ability. You will start to mature and become powerful in the domain you have chosen to act in. As you do this, you will have a specific way of looking at life, or of creating something unique that will benefit you, but it will also benefit the rest of society.

How could society benefit if I simply start making my own decisions?

Because each of us is unique, we each bring something different to the table of life. When everyone is their own individual, they make the society stronger, they create something that could benefit the rest of the group through their uniqueness. This is very similar to our current economy. People diversify enough that by their own individual talent, they can then offer something better and faster than anyone else, and so you go to them to use their services, which allows you to save time and focus on doing your own thing. In time, that other person will come to you and he will benefit from your own unique gifts.

In the same way that our lives have benefited because people can choose for themselves which profession to follow, if people were allowed to make their own moral decisions, come to their own moral beliefs and conclusions, then society would benefit morally as it does economically. People would come up with moral innovations the same way they come up with economic innovations, and it would benefit those around them.

Is that why taking away decisions from others is evil?

That's right. When you tell other people that they are weak, sinful, and shouldn't trust themselves because of the 'natural man', you are robbing them of their chance to extend in life, their chance to make decisions and progress in their own unique way. If they have to give up all of their decisions to their leaders, they will never develop in their own way, they will simply become copies of the leader.

Ultimately, this will hurt the society. It will make it stagnate like a pool of stagnant water. No new developments will be made, no new insights. This is one of the reasons that when you go to church on Sunday, you hear exactly the same things over and over and over again. Why? Because the leaders do not allow for innovation, so there are no new insights, no new understandings.

How can I start on the path towards the good?

Own your life. Start making decisions because you want to make them. Start to take control of your life and stop living it for Jesus, your parents, your bishop, the prophet, or even God. Ultimately, God wants you to be the best you, not the best copy of your bishop. He knows that inside you is incredible strength, insight, creation and beauty. The leaders will try to stop you by telling you that you are weak, sinful, and disobedient, but you are a creation of a beautiful being, and a beautiful being would not create something ugly and broken like they would have you believe.

What is evil?

2006-06-10T02:47:00.000-07:00

Sex. sex is evil, right? Bullshit.

What is evil?

Telling others that they should only listen to their leaders instead of making their own decisions.

Why is that evil?

When your decisions are taken away from you, you are not in control. You don't grow morally because you don't make your decisions. That is the goal of the whole mormon church: give away your decisions to the leaders. Then they have power. They have the control over your life.

Why is that detrimental to the individual?

Are you a child? Children don't make their own decisions, adults do. Adults have to weigh different variables in their life and choose which decision is the most correct in their particular context. As they start to make their own decisions, they will begin to see whether or not if those decisions are helping or if they are hurting. If they are hurting, then they will change, and hopefully, they will gain knowledge from their experience so they can learn to choose the good from the bad the next time they have to make a decision. As they do this, they will become more apt at making decisions. They grow. They mature. They are an adult.

The goal is to be in control of your own life. If you give away your decisions, you will be dependent on someone else to make your decisions. You will remain as a child. You will not be able to make more and more difficult decisions because you gave your decisions away to someone else. All you will understand is how to obey. That is what you will learn; how to obey with exactness, not how to be an adult and to make your own decisions.

How do you know if you are in control of your life?

Ask yourself when was the last time you made a decision just because you wanted to make it. Not for Jesus, not for your wife, not for your church, not for your bishop, but you did it simply because you wanted to do it. It came from you, and you wanted to do it, and so you did. If you can't remember, or if you can count how many times you've made a decision only on one hand, then you are being controlled. You are not in charge of your life, they are.

The mice and the pied piper.

2006-06-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

I'm so disgusted with the religious right attacking gays. Knowing how it feels to be a marginalized group within society, you'd think religious people would be a little more empathetic in their conclusions.

But, the fact is the religious leaders need not worry about whether or not the ban will one day come to pass. Just us talking about it means their goals have been accomplished. Like Jason said, it's a goose chase. And they got you us looking in the wrong direction, and because it's so emotional, you'll never not talk about it. In fact, I bet they actually don't want any amendment to pass; they gain too much power from the fear of gays.

The fear they generate from homosexuals is unbelievable to me. To think that such a small percentage of people could actually do anything so drastic as to what they say is unbelievable to me. Committed men in a stable relationship are going to "attack" society? Not terrorists, not unchecked white collar crime, not unbelievable domestic espionage, not the retaliation from the rest of the world for having secret prisons in foreign countries, or holding human beings in prisons for an unknown length of time (god knows what those human beings are going through) not having secured borders, not the culture of producing to waste with millions of tons of pure garbage needing to be buried every day, not the question of being the 7th most polluted state in the union, not having an entire lake in Provo being polluted by one steel company for hundreds of years, not knowing what to do with all the nuclear waste, not understanding the capacities of our own selves to thirst for power. (These threats are just what comes to mind after thinking about it for 10 seconds, but when have you heard about this stuff over the pulpit from leaders whose job it is to know and act according to this knowledge?) NO, the one thing that is going to ruin our society is two men promising to love and strengthen each other for the rest of their lives. THAT is what is going to 'ruin' us!!! You idiots, gays are already boinking each other! You think their boinking power is going to be so destructive because they'll have property rights, or because they'll be able to adopt a kid or two?! More kids will die from drowning in their parents pool, because they didn't secure it, then there will be adopted kids by two committed individuals. You can't catch gay. Of those adopted kids, not all of them will 'turn' gay. So, where is the real danger that must be there since we're all talking about it to the point of having our government intrude into our lives telling us who and who not we can commit ourselves to.

Have the religious right thought about the precedent they are making? They're using the government to promote their utopia. Now, what will happen in 180 years when the religious culture has changed? In 180 years maybe they'll all be "Christians", but it will mean something totally different. Maybe the New Age culture will spread from California to the rest of the country, and the democratic majority will see 'traditional' marriage as archaic and backwards. They'll say that their god told them that traditional marriage is limiting society, and free love and open relationships is what 'Christ' really wants us to have. Since the government banned Same Sex Marriage in 2008, why couldn't it ban all marriages? And so the majority vote on an amendment, it's passed, and there are no more 'traditional' marriages.

You fuckin' morons. You are all being used. You are all being controlled by pure fear. The truth is you don't want to be the ostracized group that reaps God's wrath, and so you attack those that are. Your wrath has no bounds, your contempt is merciless, and it's your own weakness that tears at your heart. Make no mistake, when gays are in political power, the religious right will just switch to the next powerless group, and the rabble-rousers' anger, with the accompanying bruises and emotional deaths caused from the judgments and conclusions of their thrown stones, will become a form of worship.

What is the real evil? Gays, or the abuse of Power?

2006-06-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of talk lately about the Mormon Church supporting an amendment that would ban gay marriage. Why are they doing this when there are so many other pressing matters that have such a larger impact on our lives? I think the answer is complex, but there are a few ideas that I'd like to write about.

Gays are an easy target; Homosexuals are not a very large minority within the church (or within society), and because they are not a vocal minority within the church, they become an easy target, much like the youth of the church. So, when the leaders want to close the ranks, they need to find an enemy in order to rally support for their side, and they see the gays as an easy enemy. Can you imagine if the church focused its political power on corrupt political leaders? Or corrupt business men? These two parts of society are very powerful, and they affect our lives much, much more than any gay marriage ever would, and yet they are largely silent about both of them.

What is real evil?

I've asked some members in the church what evil is, and they usually can't come up with anything off the top of their heads (I'll go more into this later) but they mostly say that evil is to not do what God says (which really is just tribal obedience to the chief).

What is evil? I think there are two main types of evil; first, evil is to use others for your own ends; second, evil is to stop people from their own moral growth. Why would the church define morality as simply a matter of sexual relations? If you've ever been to many church meetings, they'll talk all about the immorality of today, and by that, they usually mean sexual promiscuity. I don't think I've ever heard a talk or discourse from the pulpit about abusing your power over people, or correct business ethics for our business owners, or how to find people that manipulate the good to get others to follow them. When was the last time you heard a talk about political corruption? I don't think I've ever heard one.

Abusing your power over others is evil. It is taking your role as a leader and making others follow and obey you instead of trusting in themselves. The church leaders don't say to follow your own understanding. They don't tell you to make decisions for yourself and to see those consequences as the first step towards moral development. In fact, they tell you the opposite; they say that you should consult your bishop over your decisions, you should listen to the leaders to understand how to act, and you should not rely on your own understanding to make decisions. But this robs you of your decisions, and then you are not in control of your life, they are. This is an abuse of power; this is evil.

They don't want you to understand real evil

They take away your decisions for a little bit of safety. And they don't want you to know this, or to even understand that this is evil, so they focus on something that is very powerful emotionally, sex. And then they focus on an obscure act of sex, homosexuality, because the homosexuals are largely powerless.

The leaders' decision to focus on sexuality as the whole context of morality is a big goose chase. And when you're chasing the goose, you won't notice that they are the ones making all of your decisions and robbing you of your ability to act on your own understanding in life, whether it is right or not right. They don't want you to be an adult making your own decisions, they want you to remain as a child, meek, humble and always obedient.

Is it all about Public relations?

It could be a reason. The church wants to be a larger part of mainstream christendom, and so moving with them would seem appropriate to show others that they really aren't that different. But why do other christian churches use their political powers against homosexuals instead of focusing on the real threats of society?

It seems to me that someone down the line used the good as a means to get others to follow them and to get people to give away their decisions, property, and even lives to those in power. And now, the current Mormon church and other Christian sects don't mind perpetuating the morality they have created because it keeps them in control.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 10: The family tribe

2006-06-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

Tribalism is a good thing for the individual in the context of the family.

The basic building block of society is the individual within the family tribe.
Family tribalism is the way to give meaning to the individual's life. When the individual takes a wife or many wives and creates a small family unit, in essence he creates a tribe. The next building block of society then is the family, the tribal family. After that comes the next extension, institutions. After that, states and then nations.

Individual, tribal family, institutions, states, nations.

But in our society, institutions have become more powerful than the tribal family, and they usurp the traditional roles of tribalism to extend its own ends. The individual, without the help of his own tribe, then must look towards the institution for safety and meaning. But we have missed a step. We have taken away the tribal family and put in its place the institution.

Individual, institution, states, nations.

Why would this be bad? Ultimately, when that individual is with his own tribe, there is a mental safety given to that individual: he knows his place, he knows his people, and he knows his duty to the tribe. It's an animal instinct that has been ingrained into us for tens of thousands of years. Nature has found a way for the individual to be safe within the context of this reality, to fully extend as an individual, and to help himself by helping his own people. But that is gone, and in it's place is the institution.

The institution uses the tribal mentality for its own ends

But this is a horrible thing for the individual. Sooner or later, the institution will require everything from the individual in order to appease its own ends, which then becomes the annihilation of the individual for the institution. Ultimately, because there is no check on the institution's power by the power of the tribe, the institution will swallow the individual for its own gain. The family tribe is the check on the institution. The individual can give everything to and for his own tribe because in a very real way, he is the tribe, and the tribe is him. He has come from the tribe in the presence of his elders and ancestors, and he will live as part of the tribe during his present life, and someday he will procreate and strengthen the tribe by and through his progeny. But, the institution is not the tribe, and so it is not the individual.

The institution begins to use these individuals without the proper mental reciprocation. And without the family tribe, the individual becomes lost in the duties of the institution, which ultimately is no way tied to his psyche or progeny. This creates a mental disconnect with the individuals understanding of reality. There is something missing; the tribal family no longer exists in his mind, and he has become disillusioned with the institution because he has seen and felt that it will take everything from him without giving him the necessary mental safety and meaning.

The tribal mentality should only be used within the context of the family tribe

Institutions have robbed the family tribe of its traditions, rites, and rituals for its own ends. Religious institutions use this family tribalism and places itself as the new chief of the individual. And that, ultimately, will lead to the individual's death. But I can see how these rituals, rites, alters, and sacrifices make sense when the chief is a tribal father, whose devotion is warranted because his likeness is the same as the individual. In a sense, the individual is worshipping, sacrificing, and fighting for himself.

Problems with Groupthink within the Mormon Church

2006-05-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

Groupthink is a concept that was identified by Irving Janis that refers to faulty decision-making in a group. Groups experiencing groupthink do not consider all alternatives and they desire unanimity at the expense of quality decisions."[1] (http://www.abacon.com/commstudies/groups/groupthink.html)[2] (http://www.groupthinkfilm.com/)

Groupthink is also defined as a "phenomenon wherein people seek unanimous agreement in spite of contrary facts pointing to another conclusion."[3] (http://www.groupthinkfilm.com/)

It is said that groupthink "occurs when groups are highly cohesive and when they are under considerable pressure to make a quality decision."

His eight symptoms indicative of groupthink:

1. Illusion of invulnerability
2. Unquestioned belief in the inherent morality of the group
3. Collective rationalization of group's decisions
4. Shared stereotypes of outgroup, particularly opponents
5. Self-censorship; members withhold criticisms
6. Illusion of unanimity (see false consensus effect)
7. Direct pressure on dissenters to conform
8. Self-appointed "mindguards" protect the group from negative information

His seven symptoms of a decision affected by groupthink:

1. Incomplete survey of alternatives
2. Incomplete survey of objectives
3. Failure to examine risks of preferred choice
4. Failure to re-appraise initially rejected alternatives
5. Poor information search
6. Selective bias in processing information at hand (see also confirmation bias)
7. Failure to work out contingency plans

Social psychologist Clark McCauley's three conditions under which groupthink occurs:

* Directive leadership
* Homogeneity of members' social background and ideology
* Insulation of the group from outside sources of information and analysis

What to do about it

I remember speaking with a BYU professor about this problem, I asked him what the church is doing to prevent these groupthink conclusions from taking place; he didn't have an answer for me, and I'm still wondering why the church, byu, and my local ward don't take measures to prevent it from happening.

I think these following traits are some of the most telling within the church.

5. Self-censorship; members withhold criticisms
6. Illusion of unanimity (see false consensus effect)
7. Direct pressure on dissenters to conform
8. Self-appointed "mindguards" protect the group from negative information

If groupthink is common knowledge, why does the church continue to promote these traits that encourage it?

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 9: Polygamy

2006-05-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

The chief increases his power and his successful traits are passed on

Polygamy within the tribe serves two major functions: one, it increases the power of the chief by giving him more loyal subjects; two, the traits that the chief has will be passed onto the next chief and future subjects of the tribe.

In order for the chief of the tribe to increase his power, he would have to have an increase in the number of subjects. Quite simply, this is done by the gaining more and more children. As the chief populates his tribe with a blood line tied directly to him, his power and influence increases as he gains more and more loyal sons and daughters. The prophet, and those closest to him in power, would take more wives in order to increase the amount of children they would have, which, in time, would grant them more power and life.

The more children he has, the better chances he has at continuing his rule of power in this life and after this life. His blood line will be tied directly to him and will look to his traditions and rules in order to govern the subjects.

The chief's genetic abilities and traits would be passed onto his children

The chief is the chief because of the demonstration of his ability to lead and make decisions, which means that he can help the tribe survive by his abilities. It makes sense that nature would want more children to come from this man who has the ability to govern than from a simple subject within the tribe. When the chief has more children, it is possible that these traits will be passed on to each of his children, which would increase the chances of the tribe surviving as the successful traits are passed on, and the less successful traits are not.

In Mormonism, there were only a small percentage of the leaders that ever practiced polygamy. In order for the tribe to survive, the successful traits must be past on to the next generation in order for the tribe to grow and remain strong. The chief has demonstrated his abilities and traits (that is why he is the chief and not a subject), and so it is natural for the tribe to want these traits over the traits of a simple subject. If there are a limited number of females within the tribe, you would want to give these females to a chief that has proven his survival ablities, not to a simple subject that has not demonstrated these abilities.

This is very natural. Much like the gorillas in the wild, the dominant male will mate with many females within the tribe; the dominant male will fight off other males who want to rule, and when he has shown his power by either his cunning or physical strength, he then has the privilege to mate with all the females. Then, his traits that have made him dominant will be passed on to the next generation, and if this continues, the group of gorillas will evolve to be stronger and stronger as each new dominate male gains the successful traits of his father, demonstrates his own powerful traits, and then he mates and the process continues. This all leads to the survival of the tribe, as the right traits are passed on and added upon with each new dominant chief of the tribe.

Trouble explaining the purpose of polygamy outside of tribalism

I'm not sure how polygamy makes sense outside of tribalism. I've tried to explain it on my mission to people that asked, but I could only come up with some scriptural references and tell them it's nothing new. But why was it there in the first place? I didn't have a clue. But when I understand that Mormons are a very powerful tribe, then the rights of the chief to carry on his traits threw many mates makes sense.

Calls from the home teacher

2006-05-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

Service as a means to an end

It's been a month that my home teacher has tried to pencil me in for a visit. Each time he calls, I tell him that I can't make it, or I'm too busy. I know it's not honest, but if he's not being honest with me, than I guess I can return the favor.

It was funny to me because I didn't know this guy, I've never met him outside of church, and I didn't want to know him. So why is he calling me? Well, because he wants to fulfill his duty to God by seeing me and bringing me back to the fold. There's only one problem with that, he doesn't know who I am. Why is that a problem? Because if he doesn't know me, than I simply am a mean to his ends. He doesn't see me as a person, he sees me as a way to show his obedience to his god by doing his duty, and I become another notch on his righteousness belt.

There is a fundamental problem with Mormonism; they focus on the action of service, not the individual. How could that be a problem? Service becomes a means to achieve their righteous desires. So, instead of focusing on the person, they focus on the act of service. It does not matter who the person is, or who they really are, it just matters that they can get their service done for God. Just like this home teacher, he never knew me, he really didn't want to know me, he just wanted to get his service done. And that is unfortunate.

It is quite possible to have your home teachers in your home, talk to you for over half an hour, and then leave, and they really never looked at you, asked you a real question about your life, or get to know you as a person. They just need to get their 'service' done so they rattle of a scripture, ask a how you are doing, and then head out the door. And that is what happens when the whole system is based upon an action and not an individual.

Artificial relationships

I was on the phone with my home teacher when I finally told him that I didn't want him to come over. He asked me why not, and I told him that I didn't want to be a means for him to get to heaven. The relationship was not genuine; he didn't know me, he didn't want to know me before this calling, and he probably would not have gotten to know me at all if it wasn't for this calling. I told him that this relationship was artificial, and it had artificial ends. He was just using me to get to heaven, and I didn't want anything to do with that.

He asked me how he could make it genuine, and I told him that it would be nearly impossible, because we don't live in the same circles, we have different interests, and we have different lifestyles. In order for it to be a genuine relationship, you'd have to know me as a person first, and given how different we both were, that probably would never happen (this wasn't a knock against him, it was just the reality that we were both very different).

Using people to get to heaven

I'm not sure how Mormons can get around this. They have to realize that they just use people to get to heaven and feel god's love. They use them to do their service, use them to baptize them to show their obedience to the chief, and they use people to get married in order to get to heaven.

This is why in Mormon society it is possible to marry someone within weeks of knowing them. How could this be possible? Because the whole system is based on actions and not individuals, it doesn't really matter who you marry, as long as you both want to get to heaven. So, it is possible to find someone and then within a couple of weeks of meeting them, get married an get sealed to them for eternity so you can have the highest glory in heaven.

But in the end, they don't really know this person, just like my home teacher didn't know me.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 8: the tribal temple

2006-05-15T23:56:00.000-07:00

Going through the temple is an interesting experience. When you go through, it's safe to say it's nothing like you've experienced before.

The temple as the full extension of the tribal reality

We have seen how Mormonism is a tribal reality in previous posts; the temple is the extension of those tribal values. Just like the Mayans, Jews, Muslims, and others, the Mormons build temples where they can preform certain tribal rituals. These tribal rituals will take you through the process of tribal initiation and then teach you how to gain access to the inner part of the temple. In the temple, there is an alter where they can preform sacrifices. There are no longer blood sacrifices that take place in the temple, but you do swear an oath to give up your time, talents, money, even your life, if necessary, for the establishment of the tribe.

This is a natural tribal way of governing the tribe. The chief wants you to give up everything to his control so that he has the power and the resources to defend the tribe. To seal your allegiance to the chief, he has you enter into blood oaths where you prove your loyalty to him by swearing your life.

Hand signs and specific words

Part of this tribal life is to know who is with your tribe. This is done through signs and specific words.

Think about a gang in east L.A., they will have gang signs that they flash other warring gangs to demonstrate which tribe they belong to. If you show the gang sign for bloods in a crip controlled area, the crips could shoot you for being on their turf.

When I was in high school, you couldn't wear certain colors or clothing because they were gang clothes, or clothes associated with a particular tribe. You had to be careful of what signs you presented with your hands to certain kids, because if they saw you do a rival gang sign, they would get violent with you. This is exactly the same as the signs within the temple. During your time through the temple, they give you certain hand signs (a hand sign is where you contort certain fingers or parts of your hand to represent a certain form). Part of the tribal temple ceremony is to show the sign to another member at the end, where he can see if the signs are correct or not. You can then gain access to the inner part of the temple by demonstrating your knowledge of the signs and the words that go with those particular signs.

If you give away your signs or secret words, which are also used to tell what tribe you belong to, there are sever penalties, even death. You are told that when you get to the gates in heaven, there will be sentinels, or soldiers, that will be there waiting for you to give them the signs. You then can demonstrate your tribal membership by showing the signs, just like the gang member would do in East L.A. to show other members of the gang that he belongs to this particular gang. If he showed these signs to different gangs, he could be shot for representing that rival tribe.

Temple clothes

Another aspect of the tribal ceremony is to wear certain pieces of clothing. Gangs in urban cities where certain clothes to distinguish themselves from other gangs. When I was in 6th grade, we were not allowed to wear a certain brand of shoe, because that was well understood to mean you belonged to a certain gang. Likewise, within the temple you are given certain clothes to wear which demonstrate that you belong to the tribe. At different times during the tribal ceremony, you will wear different tribal clothes. Each piece of clothing means something else, although no one I ever spoke to understood what the different parts meant, that really different matter, because these clothes were not meant for your understanding, but for the tribal human instinct. When you wear them, you know that you belong to this specific tribe.

Signs are needed only for tribes, not god.

These tribal signs and key words are needed to gain access to the safety of the tribe. This aspect of the temple really made me question what was going on. I never understood why God would need me to contort my hands in certain ways to show him I can get into heaven. I always understood God would read my heart and see my character to determine my worthiness (also what would happen if someone saw the signs and could replicate them). Then I thought that God would simply judge whether I got these tribal signs worthily or not by reading my heart when I gave them to him, but then why would I need the signs at all if he could read my heart in the first place?

That is the question. Why are signs needed at all if God can read your mind and heart? They are not needed to god, but they are needed to tribal chiefs and their soldiers. Because the chiefs are not god, they have set up a system whereby they can tell who belongs to the tribe and who is an enemy to the tribe. Without these signs and specific words, it is obvious you do not belong to the tribe.

That's the tribal reality. And that's why the temple leaves many members so disturbed after they go through it. Other people will try and tell you that all of the signs and key words are in the scriptures, but that doesn't help you understand why they are in the scriptures in the first place.

The need for secrecy

In the temple, there is a strict emphasis that these hand signs and key words are to remain secret. The hand signs are not found in the scriptures and not in any other church material, only in the temple. Everything else in the temple could be found in the scriptures. As far as I know, most every Mormon doctrine is considered sacred, which probably means that it comes from God, but only the hand signs are kept secret. For the members of the church, secret is synonymous with sacred.

But if this were true, then why not have all the highest doctrines be secret as well? The secrecy only makes sense within the context of the tribal life. If you were to print these hand signs in a book, then anyone could pretend to be a member of the tribe and gain access to the temple. This would defeat the purpose of the hand signs and key words, so in order to make sure that only the tribal members receive the hand signs, the leaders tell the members of the tribe that the hand signs are of the up most sacred things. They should never divulge these hand signs or key words to anyone at anytime expect for in the temple and at a specific time after this life.

This all works for the tribal reality because it confirms that the member is on the path to survival within the tribe. He has the pass that will get him through the gates. He has the secret knowledge to secure his safety.

But, again, why would a god need these secret hand signs if he could read your heart and your mind? He wouldn't. He doesn't. And the only reason they are there is because you belong to a human, animal tribe.

Making decisions, Part 4: the pattern of control

2006-05-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

Going Fishing

I love to go fishing. I love being out there on the lake, trying to get the next fish with my bait. I'm very cunning because I put the food on a hook that the fish can't see. All they can see is the food, and they want to eat, so they take a bite, get hooked, and now I can control them.

This is exactly what the church does. They start out with pieces of truth for you to eat. You can feel the spirit and it feels good. You're not sure what the spirit is, why it is there, or what it really means, but that doesn't matter, because they will tell you what it means.

Emotional control starts by them giving up a little bit of truth in order to get you into their control. They will tell you that you are the son of a god, that you were created in his image and that one day, you will be a god yourself. This is a very powerful idea. It gives you a lot of power because you can do what god does, and you can be like him one day. The leaders will give up this truth in order to catch you on their line. Once they have you believe this, then they start to tell you other things that will make you unable to make your own decisions.

How the control starts

Once they have told you that you are a son of a god, they then start to make you doubt yourself. They will tell you that the human is fallen, that they sin all the time. Sin is the hook. Now they have you because in order to believe that you are a god, you will have to bite on the fact that you are a weak sinner. This starts the process of control.

You say to yourself, I don't want to sin anymore, or I want to be with god, but I'm weak, because I'm human. How do I get back to him? This is the question that you must be aware of; you have started down a path of not being in control. Once you start to doubt yourself and your own decisions, they will be able to control you. You will no longer have enough confidence in the decisions that you make to stand on your own. You won't be great, you will be powerless. They will tell you how to get back to him, but it is not through making your own decisions. You have to give up your decisions to Christ, and if Christ is not there, then you can look to them, and they will tell you what Christ would have said. But the problem is that you will never regain control of your life, ever!

We have seen how the culture within the church does not want greatness, it wants obedience. The leaders are afraid of people making their own decisions because the leaders will no longer be in control. The whole system is set up for you to look to the leader for your decisions. If they can keep you looking to the leader, then they have you on their line, and they will keep you there as long as you are in that emotional spectrum of decision making.

How far their control goes

The church has perfected this lifestyle to such an extent that they will control nearly every aspect of your life. They will tell you how to live in almost every circumstance, what type of partner to look for, what type of family you should have, how to be intimate with your wife, what time you should get up and go to bed, what to pray for and how to pray, how to interact with strangers, what to do on Sundays, what to do on weeknights, what type of pictures to put on your walls, what type of music to listen to, how you should approach your education, what you should study, how often to give your donations, how often to visit your neighbor, etc., They don't want you to be in control, so they give you a piece of truth for you to bite on, and then they have you on the line for as long as they want.

Why the church has a problem with pornography

The church has an epidemic on their hands. All these men in the church are having problems with watching pornography, but the leaders don't understand what is happening. Because the church controls so much, the men, who should be in control of their own lives, are not in control. So, when they are alone, and when no one else is watching, they will look at porn in order to regain some ounce of control. They will look at it for hours because that is the only time they are free to do what they want. And every time they watch it, on an instinctual level, they feel they are in control of their own life, even if it causes destruction. The leaders think that the answer to this is more control over the men, that by making it impossible to access the Internet in private, or by having someone else watch what they are doing online, that they will have to stop. But they won't. The desire to make their own decision is much more powerful than they realize.

It is the same reason why teenagers start to smoke. They are completely controlled by their parents, and so they will kill themselves by smoking if it means that they will have a little bit of control. They are asserting their own control by smoking. They are saying on an instinctual level, 'oh, you want to control me, well I can smoke these cigarettes and you won't be able to control me then." They are doing the same thing as the men in the church. The men, who should be making their own decisions in life, can't. So they will find ways in which they can be in control, even if it destroys themselves.

Own your life

This is your life. This is your time to be great. There is a fundamental problem with looking to the leader for all of your decision making, they don't know everything about you. They don't know your past, they don't know your true personality, they don't know what your biases are or where your speciality is, they don't understand your personal cicrumstances, and so, they will never have enough information to make the best decision for you, only you have that insight.

You should not care about being right. You should care about being in control. You should care about wanting to own your life and be responsible for your decisions. That is what life is all about, making your own way, finding out what works for you, trusting your instincts and living with them. As you start to trust your own instincts, you will start to become more and more powerful. You will have the confidence to believe in yourself no matter how many people tell you that you shouldn't be great. This is your time to shine. This is your time to be excellent, and when you give away your decisions, you will never have the chance to show your greatness.

The difference between people

The most destructive aspect of looking to the leader to make your decisions is that you are different. You are different than everyone else. One size does not fit all. Let me give you an example:

Say you are an ex-marine. You have been trained in the art of combat, you know how to kill, and you can defend yourself with just your hands. One night you walk in a dark alley after a movie to get to your car. As you pass through the alley, this mugger pops up with a knife and says, "give me your money or I'll kill you." Because of your training, you kick the knife out of the man's hand, beat him down, and then call the cops on your cell phone to pick the mugger up. In that moment, the marine was brave because he took on that mugger and defended himself.

What if you weren't an ex-marine? What if you were a fat, out of shape thirteen year old. You decided to take a short-cut threw the alley to get home after the movie. When you enter the alley, a mugger pops up with a knife and says, "give me your money or I'll kill you." The teenager decides to be brave and take on the mugger. The mugger easily dodges the kids attack, moves around the kid, puts the knife to his throat and kills him. The kid died because he was reckless.

How can you have the exact same circumstance lead to a good thing and a bad thing? The ex-marine and the teenager did exactly the same thing: they both took on the mugger and tried to defend himself. But one was good, the other bad.

The reason the same act could be good in one case and not good in the other is because of their circumstances. Each case was unique. The marine was not the same as the teenager.

Making your own decisions

The problem with giving away your decisions to the leader, or to anyone else, is that they do not understand your circumstances. They do not know the real you and everything in your life. They just don't have time for that. And so, they not knowing who you are, will tell you to defend yourself as the teenager, but this is exactly the wrong advice to give. This could lead to death. In a very real way, the leaders will tell everyone to act a certain way, but because they are not aware of personal circumstances, they could be sentencing someone to a grave mistake.

This is why you have to own your life. No one else knows who you really are but you. No one. When you decide to own your life and make your own decisions, you will start to grow in your own abilities. You will be able to make tougher and tougher decisions because you have experience on your side. This is the difference between being mature and wise, and being immature and reckless. The immature person can't make decisions without having to ask someone else what to do. They are like children.

You can be in control today. All you have to do is trust your instincts. Trust your hunches and realize that it is more important to be in control than it is to be right. Life is about being true to yourself. As you remain true to yourself, you will grow into a mature individual able to handle the tough obstacles in life. Then, you will be on your path to greatness.

My bishop decided to drop by

2006-05-14T02:10:00.000-07:00

My bishop came over a week or so ago. He was just called as bishop, and so he decided to visit some of the members in his ward. What's interesting is that he only lives a couple houses down from me, and I use to pass by him all the time.

He wasn't hostile or anything before, but this time he seemed pretty nice. I could tell he was a little nervous, but who wouldn't be. I invited him in and we mostly small talked during the visit. I have to give him credit, he seemed to be understandable and genuinely interested in me, which has been a rarity with my leaders since I've moved to Utah.

I know it's a tough job, and I didn't ask him to come over, but I thought he was a pleasant fellow from meeting him. I'd love to talk about some church stuff, but I don't know if he'll come back anytime soon. We'll see.

Making decisions, Part 3: losing the battle but winning the war

2006-05-14T01:21:00.000-07:00

We've gone over the spectrum of emotion in Part 2, and we can see how Mormonism operates almost always within the spectrum of emotion. We know that this is not a balanced approach to making decisions, and it can leave you open to emotional manipulation.

Losing the battle to win the war

I've had quite a few conversations in the past couple of months with my home teachers about some of the things I'm writing on this blog, and what always struck me was how they would agree with me. And then at the end of our conversation, they would invite me back to church on Sunday. At first I didn't understand why they would invite me; it seemed apparent to me that I had no intention of returning because of the reasons I had gone over, but then I started to see a pattern with the way they would speak, and it is the same pattern that many, many leaders use within the church.

The first thing they do is agree with some of your major questions. They make it seem to you that they understand and that they're on your side, but they aren't even playing your game, and you don't even realize it. They will even build you up and tell you how smart you are, or how you said it just like so and so, but then then their real intent is made obvious when they say something like, "you think too much." And with that, they have started making a chink within your armor of decision making, and that is the begginning of their emotional manipulation.

It is this process where they give up a little ground to make you trust them, but then over time, they will win the war because you will look to them to make your decisions. They lost the battle by agreeing with you, but they won the war in the end because they control you.

What is the pattern of manipulation?

First, they will agree with you. Second, they back up their agreements with examples. Third, they throw in a slight comment that is made to make you question your previous conclusion. Fourth, you start to doubt your own conclusions and believe that they might be right. Fifth, they will keep pounding you with these statements that make you question your own decisions. Sixth, finally, after this cycle is repeated over and over, you will start to ask them what to do and what to think, and then, they have you. You will question all of your conclusions and you will start to believe that you don't know anything, and the only way for you to get out of your problems is to listen to what they have to say.

They understand this process of manipulation, and they instinctually know what words to say to keep you looking to them for answers.

For instance, let me know if you've heard this in Sunday school: We're sons and daughters of god, we have his spirit and his light, we can do anything with his help. But you are a human, and humans, by nature, are flawed. You may be able to do Godlike things, but because you are human, you really are weak. That's right, it's the weakness of the flesh, and because we are weak, we make decisions that will lead us to destruction. How do you stay out of destruction? Well, you listen to God to avoid destruction. What if God's not here right now? Well, then you can listen to me; I'll tell you what to do, and you won't have to worry about making your decisions anymore.

First, they built you up believing that you were the son of god. With that knowledge, you could do anything, because you are in his image and you have his power. But then they start to erode those conclusions with their statements that make you question them: 'you're a human, you've sinned, and you are weak in the flesh". And now they slowly start to unravel that inner strength you have inside to make your own decisions with these statements of self-doubt. Then, when you can no longer make any more decisions because you don't trust yourself, you'll start to give them your decisions, you'll start to call your bishop for every big decision you have to make because you're afraid that your weaknesses will take you into destruction.

This is very, very wrong. The goal is to be in control. The goal is to make your decisions with your own insight and your own understanding. That is the way to true growth. You believe in your conclusions, and if they are incorrect, you will not make the same mistake again and you will have more knowledge for the next decision.

If you are constantly looking to the spirit, to god, or to the bishop to make your decisions, you will never be in control of your life. You will never learn the necessary lessons to help you take on tougher and tougher situations because you've given away your decisions when they've mattered most. And that is what they want, because that is how they stay in power. They have power when they are in control of your life, you do not have power when you give away your decisions for others to make.

Similar patterns with individuals in the church also happen outside of the church

So you can see that whenever an individual wants to try and control you, he will agree with you, then he will say a statement or two to make you question yourself, and then they will work on that self-doubt over and over until you no longer have the confidence in yourself to believe your very own decisions. And then, you are under their control, because you don't trust yourself with your decisions anymore.

This is a very powerful system of manipulation they have created, but it only works if you operate solely within the left side of the spectrum. If you only listen to your emotions, then it is very hard to get out of their system, but if you start to make balanced decisions, their power will be less and less until one day, you would never give away your conclusions to someone else because there is no growth, no control, and no power in that life.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 7: clothing the women

2006-05-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

Women of tribes are clothed from head to toe

Another pattern within tribes is the covering of women. If you look at some other tribal religions, you'll see a pattern where the woman is covered from head to toe.

Nuns are covered head to toe in Catholicism
Mormon women at certain times in the temple are covered head to toe
Islam women are covered head to toe
Certain Buddhist traditions cover the female head to toe
Certain Hundu traditions cover the female head to toe

Why tribal men need to cover women

Woman are the weaker sex. They may be more emotionally able, but generally, their physical abilities are not similar to men. It is not a stretch for a tribal man to see the woman as a weaker part of his life.

It is the same thing as kids playing in the school playground. The tough kids go around picking on the weak, eliminating them from the tribe. They make jokes about the weaker kids, pick on them, and sometimes, beat them. If the bullies are so strong, why do they have to pick on the weaker kids? The reason is because these class of people are considered weak within their particular society. And the tough kids do not want to be reminded of our their own weakness, so they will tear them down until they no longer exist.

This is a tribal understanding of life. You do not want to be reminded of your weakness as a man, so you try to stomp the weakness out so you don't ever have to look at it.

There is a tribal instinct to eliminate the weak

The tribal man does not want to be reminded of his weakness, so he hides it, or he tears it down through doctrine, traditions, or class roles. This can be seen in the tribal dress of women in various religions. The men of the tribe do not want to be reminded of their weakness, and every time they see a woman, they see that weakness in themselves.

The tribal clothing of the woman from head to toe literally hides the weakness from the man. In certain sects within Islam, the women are not allowed to leave the house without being accompanied by a man, the woman don't vote, and they don't receive any education beyond a certain basic level.

Mormons are also traditional in regards to not giving the women authority to to make final decisions within the church or household, Mormons live in a very tribal reality, and so they see woman as a weakness. This is done on an instinctual level, and they will make all kinds of reasons why the woman should be covered and in their place, but the decision to keep them below the man can really only be understood on the tribal level.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 6: the sacrament meeting

2006-05-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

Christ as the lamb

What is happening during sacrament meeting? If we look at it in the context of tribalism, I think you'll see a new reality unfold to you.

We place Christ's body on the alter, or the sacrament meeting table. The elders then proceed to bless the body and the blood, and then they kill the body on the alter; they give parts of the body to you to eat, and they give you the cups of blood for you to drink.

When native americans killed the Buffalo, they would drink its blood to gain its power. They would eat its flesh to be strong. Tribes in africa kill goats in ritualistic ceremony's and then they drink its blood and eat its flesh. Every sunday, you are doing the same thing. You kill the body of christ again, you then drink his blood and you eat his flesh. This gives you power and strength.

This is a tribal reality. This makes sense to the animal mind, and that's why you do it every sunday, and you don't think twice about it. You sing songs before you kill him, and then you proceed with the ceremony. In this context, it makes sense the Abraham would kill his son on the alter. It's the same ceremony.

Making decisions, Part 2: Decision making in Mormonism

2006-05-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

Mormonism is not balanced

In most religions, including Mormonism, they make nearly all their decisions within the context of emotion. Nearly every decision that is made is emotionally based. The emotions are on a spectrum: on the right side, there is love, joy, peace, happiness, etc., and on the left side, there is fear, terror, anger, hurt, pride, etc.,

Why is this dangerous? When you live in the world of emotion, it becomes very hard to separate reality from these feelings. What is actually happening in your life will be interpreted through these emotions, and so the decision making process is not balanced; then your decisions become extreme because they do not have the balance of data on the other side of the spectrum. They are not based within the context of life and reality.

Constantly making emotional decisions leads to manipulation

Also, if we only make decisions on emotion, we can easily be manipulated. Fear is a very, very powerful emotion. It is natural human instinct to use fear for safety. As animals, we rely on our instincts to make decisions. Just like a dear in the forest, if we hear a twig snap, that fear will send us running. Likewise, fear can help us be safe in situations where trying to use our reason and process the data would take too long. But, if we are constantly making decisions on fear, we are headed for an emotional disaster. When we use fear to make decisions, we are reacting. We are no longer in control. We are reacting to the danger that may be in front of us, but this emotion is only supposed to be used in emergencies and only temporarily.

We don't want to live our lives constantly reacting. We want to act. We want to be in control. If we are constantly making decisions because of fear, we are no longer in control, someone else is controlling us. People in power understand this, and they will use fear to scare you into action. They will say phrases like: the fear of god, eternal damnation, being separated with god, being separated with your family, being excommunicated, all these are emotionally based realities. And we know that fear makes us react, not act, and we want to be in control.

Religions are very good at using fear and terror to make sure you do what they want. In Mormonism, they use the fear of not being with your family eternally to make you do certain things. They wave the option of being with your family forever in front of you, while they make you jump through many hoops to get that reality. If you live in this world of emotion, you are being controlled. You are being used to do what they want, and they will use these emotions on you to make sure you comply with their demands, and now, you are in their power.

If they were correct, they would never, ever need to use fear. Fear is a base emotion, which means it appeals to a very low side of our human animal minds.

Using the spirit as a way to make decisions

There are a couple very important reasons not to use the spirit to make decisions. First, the spirit is entirely emotionally based. It only operates within the context of emotion, and we know that there is a whole other side to information that needs to be looked at in order to make the right decision. The spirit is not balanced.

Second, the spirit is ineffective. It is very difficult to make sure that you are listening to the spirit and not your emotions. Sometimes it may be impossible to tell what is happening whether it is your emotions communicating to you, or if it the spirit communicating to you. If you have to rely only on the spirit to make decisions, and you can't tell if it is the spirit communicating to you or not, then you are headed for trouble.

Third, what good is the spirit if it is not constantly there? When you make decisions, you sometimes have to make important ones quickly. If you only rely on the spirit to make decisions, and sometimes the spirit comes and sometimes not, then you can never totally rely on the spirit to make decisions. It is not there all the time, so you can't always trust it to make decisions when you need to make them.

God is not inefficient.

Because the spirit is so emotional, and because it is so infrequent, it is not wise to use it as a decision making tool. It should be used within the context of the spectrum. Leaving out data and reason can lead to an imbalance and manipulation, and we don't want to be there. We want to be in control of our own lives and our own actions. If we constantly give up our decisions to the spirit, we are no longer in control of our actions, the spirit is.

In nature, everything is used for something. Nothing is ever wasted. Nature did not give you a mind that can use both emotion and reason to only listen to emotions. Nature did not provide you with such a powerful tool so you could shut if off and listen to just the spirit. That would be a mistake and that would be an imbalance. Everything should be used in its proper context, and figuring out that context is what we must try to do.

Using the spirit within the proper context

The spirit can be a powerful tool to unlock some of our emotions inside us. At times, those emotions can be very beneficial in making our lives have meaning and finding peace. But to rely solely on the spirit will lead to an imbalance. So we must check the spirit with data and facts. We must use the spirit within its proper context and then we will be in control, not our emotions.

Making decisions, Part 1: the spectrum of information

2006-05-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

Making decisions

There is a spectrum of information ranging from emotions to data that the mind uses to make a decision.

On the left side of the spectrum you have pure emotions: love, peace, happiness, joy, fear, terror, anger, etc., these emotions are what makes life rich, substantive, and meaningful. On the right side of the spectrum there is pure data: facts, patterns, numbers, laws, calculations, etc., this side of the spectrum is completely devoid of emotion, and so, there is not much meaning on this side, but the reality of its information is very close to what is happening in the real world.

If you go too far to either side, you will make decisions that will be in error. You must try to find a balance between the two in order to make decisions properly.

You must have balance

If you've ever watched star trek the next generation, there was the captain making the decisions for the ship; on his right side he had data (the android that processed life as a machine) and on his left side you had diana troy (a telepath that processed life through emotions). In order to make the best decision, the captain would listen to both sides of the spectrum. He would ask data what he thought, and then he would ask diana what she thought, and then he tried to make the best decision possible given this information.

In the same way, we should make our life decisions with balance. We should get as much data and facts as possible, but we should also remember to understand our feelings and emotions. When we find the right balance, we will have harmony in our life. This is a process; sometimes we'll get things wrong, and sometimes we'll be right. But if we remain balanced, then we'll be much better off in life than if we are too far to one extreme.

Also, we must remember that the proper balance is determined individually, there is no magic ratio that works for every person. Some people start out being more emotional, some start out being more rational, the balance is dependent on the person making the decisions. But just being aware that there is a spectrum will go a long way in helping us make the correct decisions.

Imbalance in history

You can take a look at the imbalance in history as well. There was the dark ages and the cult of death in Europe. which probably was all emotional based decisions. During that time, there were no accurate maps because the people only needed a map to heaven (a very emotional reality devoid of facts). Later, there was the age of reason and the enlightenment; all decisions were to be rational and data based, which is why we enjoy so much modern technology. But at the same time, many people suffer because we have lost the meaning in life, we have lost the emotionality that gives so much to us.

Imbalance in the sexes

These are generalizations, but many women make their decisions on the left side of the spectrum. They operate in a world of emotion, which to many men, is foreign to them. Most men operate on the right side of the spectrum; they try and make rational decisions, and when a woman starts to be emotional, he'll try to stop it; if he's not strong enough, he'll be controlled by the emotion.

But this is a proper balance. You see how with both of them together, you have the full range of the spectrum in their lives. You have the right side in the man, and the left side in the woman. When they make decisions together and in context, they are more likely to have a correct decision process, but if either is too strong, then you will have disharmony.

Balance is the key.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 5: Christ's sacrifice

2006-05-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

Christ as the innocent

In tribalism, you always have certain patterns that repeat themselves. For instance, you've probably seen in the movies the tribe at the temple getting ready to sacrifice the virgin to their god.

What's really going on? There are four parts that are usually the same: the innocent and pure (represented as a virgin), killing the innocent on the alter (usually with the letting of blood), the innocent bleeding and dying, and then through the death of the innocent the monster is appeased.

Think about King Kong. There was the tribe that was going to sacrifice the blond lady to Kong (the monster) to appease him so Kong wouldn't kill the tribe.

It is the same thing with Christ: Christ is the pure innocent, he was given to appease the monster (the law of justice some would say), he bleed from every pore, he was killed for it, and then the rest of the tribe was spared from the monster because of his sacrifice.

Similar sacrafice

Isn't that interesting how they are the same? Isn't interesting how preoccupied with the bleeding from every pore we are? Isn't interesting how it follows the same pattern as appeasing Kong? This is a tribal understanding of life. There are certain things in the mind that it does not understand, and so it wants to make sense of it. Somehow, when you kill the innocent person, the mind can then put into context what is happening in life. As the innocent is killed, the monster becomes appeased and does not want to kill you.

How much of this is religion and how much of this is tribalism? I don't think this sacrifice has anything to do with the real christ. I think we put this onto christ, and it makes sense to our tribal instincts, but Christ was fighting tribalism, he wasn't the poster boy for it.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 4: The structure

2006-05-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

There are many aspects that Mormonism does correctly as a tribe; however, one important aspect that will ultimately hurt the tribe is where the burden of action lies. In Mormonism, the burden of action lies on the subjects. In nearly every meeting, the leaders get up to remind the subjects that they aren't following the chief strictly enough. But this is wrong. The burden of action should be placed on the Leaders, not the subjects. Every Sunday you should have meetings about how true the actions of the leaders have been, how it benefits the tribe, and what these new actions will do for the tribe.

But it's not that way. The leaders turn the action onto the individual because the leaders don't know how to lead, or they are unable to make decisions within the current structure of the church. I'll go into this more later, but ultimately, the church does not allow for innovation and true leadership, this is the way those in power want it so they do not have to be challenged in their authority.

Can you imagine if you had a bishop that was able to do extraordinary things? People would start to follow him, the number of his subjects would grow and grow as they saw how right his actions were, and then, because of the size of his followers, he would become a threat to the current leaders.

Those in power understand this very well, so they set up a system that will prevent any real leadership at all. They simply form the whole structure of their organization around how well the subject follows, and this will eliminate anyone that has true ability to lead as a chief, because he will do so outside the rules that have already been set by those in power. And that's why every Sunday you hear talk, after talk, after talk, after talk about obedience and rarely, if ever, a talk about greatness. The leaders don't want you to be great, they want you to follow.

Greatness threatens the current leader

The leaders are afraid of greatness because they are not great. By greatness I mean the ability to think outside of the box, and then to act on those thoughts, which, if correct, will lead to a better form of life. Innovation is not just for the business world, it can also be for the spiritual world. What works best in the ever changing system of life? If the structure allows for innovation, those with innate understanding will be allowed to act on their hunches, which will ultimately benefit the group.

Do you like not having to wash your clothes out by the river? Of course you do. In a very real way, there are all kinds of spiritual innovations that can be had, but because the current church does not allow for innovation, you will never find these better ways of life.

The leaders do not want this. They do not want to see greatness in their subjects, because that would take away their power. They want to keep you constantly looking to them for answers, constantly checking yourself to make sure you're strictly obedient, constantly checking your neighbor to make sure they are obedient, and now, they have created a culture that is against innovation, against the great rising up and taking the lead because the subjects are so focused on obedience they will tear down anyone that rises outside of the standard that has been created by the current leader.

How do you know they are not great?

If they were truly great, the words of obedience would never pass their lips. They wouldn't care about obedience, they will show the way simply because they will be there first. They will blaze the trail because that is what they do, and that is what they know how to do. You can follow or not, that's not their concern; their specilization is to lead because they intuitively know the right way.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 3: The role of Christ

2006-05-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

Christ as the chief

Christ has been placed as the tribal chief for christians. He leads the way; he takes on the toughest aspects of life and he finds a way to overcome them. Now we can follow christ because he is a worthy leader; he has proven himself by being raised from the dead and through the truth demonstrated in his lifestyle.

This is why you'll have people get up in testimony meeting and weep over what christ has done. And then once you are done weeping, they'll promise to do everything christ says so that they can show how obedient they are to him, and then he can bestow his love on them. This is all natural. This is all instinctual. This will lead to the survival of the tribe.

This is why you have young men (who are probably at the most emotional time in their lives and are less rational than they would be later in life) who will give everything to their chief, Christ. They literally would do anything for him, so they give two years of their lives to him (or what they interpret as Christ) they hang pictures of him in their apartments, they talk about how great he is and what he's done for them, they follow his teachings and try to be like their chief, because the animal survives by imitating the true chief, and then they try to convert other people to follow their chief, too. Because if it worked for them, it must work for everyone.

Christ is not here to lead

The problem with having Christ as chief is that he is no longer here to guide us. He can't make the decisions because he is dead. So others try to take the place of the chief. In the mormon church, they place the role of chief onto the prophet. The prophet can then use Christ as the model to lead the tribe. But what if he is an emotional man instead of a rational man? What if his role is that of the emotional shaman and not a rational chief? How would you know that this new chief is a good chief?

You could only tell by his actions. If his actions were true, then it would be alright for him to lead, but if they weren't true, then it could lead to the destruction of the tribe. So powerful is this tribal instinct that he could tell his subjects almost anything, and if there was a strong tribal bond, the subjects would do it. This is why fundamentalism is so scary, because if the leader is emotional, then their decisions are not based in a rational reality, and you'll start seeing people fly planes into skyscrapers and they will be totally convinced that they are doing this for the betterment of the tribe.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 2: Tribalism as an instinctual road map to survival

2006-05-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

If you've read my last post on Mormonism as a tribe, then we can move onto the next part of the series.

Tribal instincts lead towards survival of the individual and the group

Nature has provided each of us with a road map to survival: the tribal instinct. These instincts will lead us to work together in and for the group in order to live.

In the tribe, there are certain roles for certain people within the tribe. Each one has their place, and when they are working together, they achieve a level of survival for everyone involved.

Our tribal instincts help us survive

The human instinct towards tribalism is a form of evolution that has allowed us to stay alive. If you have two separate groups of animals, and one group works as a tribe and the other group works as lone individuals, you would see that tribe is able to overcome many aspects of their life much easier than they could if they were alone. The lone individuals have a harder time to overcome obstacles because they have to be a jack of all trades, which means they won't be able to specialize in an area because they are so busy trying to do everything themselves.

Tribalism is very similar to specialization in our market economy. In the market economy, you have individuals that specialize in certain areas, which they will then be able to profit from because they trade their specialty for the specialty of another individual. And by that trade, they both are benefited. In the same way, human animals have specialized in areas that will best serve themselves and then the tribe. For instance, there may be a man that is very good at understanding the emotional side of life, i.e., feelings, emotions, nuances, but he has a hard time making decisions that are not deep in emotion.

On the other hand, the chief is adept at making decisions based in the context of what is really going on; he's not emotional, he's rational. But because he's specialed in his rationality, he can't see parts of life that are emotional. Because of the formation of the tribe, he then can use the emotional man to make better decisions. He listens to the emotional man and a new part of life is exposed for him to understand in regards to certain decisions. Now, the chief benefits by having both the emotional and the rational. This works for all the parts of the tribe: the warriors specialize in defense and attack, the chief specializes in rational decisions, the emotional shaman specializes in emotion, etc.,

But what if your reality is all emotional? What if you don't have a chief to make rational decisions? Then you're tribe would be out of balance. You make your decisions in a world of emotion and not in a rational reality.

That's why it's important to understand the different roles of the tribe and to make sure the tribe is structured correctly; otherwise the decisions made by the tribe become dangerous as they swing too far to one side.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 1: Introduction of tribalism

2006-05-10T23:18:00.000-07:00

In order to understand what Mormonism is all about, you have to understand the basic social group that people form in this life. People belong to tribes. They see themselves as members of tribes, they work within the tribe to secure life, property, meaning, and peace through the tribe.

Human animals form tribes

We, as human animals, have existed in tribes much, much longer than any religion has existed. We may have skyscrapers, but we're still tribal people. We want to belong to a tribe; it feels natural, and we know instinctually that there is safety there.

A tribe has it's own values, culture, beliefs and ways of doing things. They separate themselves from other tribes through dress, language, rituals, and teachings.

Think about when you go to church on Sunday. You drive to the tribal meeting hall, you wear the same tribal clothes (shirt and tie) as the other members of your tribe, you say the same tribal language (heavenly father, plan of salvation, missions, etc.,) you eat the sacrament (which only members of the tribe can do), and you recite specific scriptures that are the tribal teachings past on from generation to generation.

If you can glimpse this at all, then you'll start to understand why Mormons do some of the things they do. I'm not saying this is bad or evil, I am saying that unless you understand mormons as a tribe, then the particular things they do will not make much sense.

Roles within the tribe

A very big part of the tribe is the tribal hierarchy (this is by no means an exact science, but I think it's vital to understand these underlying roles that we have in the tribe):

the Chief: he makes the decisions for the tribe, he protects the tribe through his strength.

the Wizard, healer, feeler, or emotional shaman: he operates by feelings, he can see deeply into people's souls, but he can't order reality like the chief (he can help the chief make decisions through understanding emotions)

the Warriors: they carry out the orders of the chief and they fight for the tribe when necessary

the Subjects: these are the people that don't know up from down, but they do know that if they follow the chief, they will be safe and protected.

the Women: these are the glue of the tribe, they keep it running and they give meaning to life, they give meaning to the warrior's battles.

I know there are still more basic roles to the tribe, but if you understand these roles, it will go a long way in explaining the reality that we live in.

Christ as tribal chief

Christ is the chief. Christ takes on the dark monsters in reality (death and sin) and he defeats them through his strength. It is this strength that so many are drawn to; there is safety there, especially if you are a simple subject and do not have the capacity to take on the dark monsters of reality yourself. Most people fit into this part of the tribe. Most importantly, they will do anything to get the favor of the chief. Because if you have his favor, you have life.

Most subjects in the tribe want to obey the chief and do what he says. That's a natural instinct we have; it's an ingrained instinct that has helped our ancestors survive many real dangers. It is such an old tendency within us that we will do it naturally. We want to obey, we want to be told what to do, and when we do obey the chief, we get a great feeling of satisfaction.

Most people make life decisions based upon this tribal mentality. They may make rational reasons why they do such and such after the fact, but the underlying motivations for their decisions can be traced to the tribal human instinct.

There are people that understand this aspect of our nature, and they will use this on us to do what they want, and those are the people you have to be aware of. There are emperors and there are fools. The emperor understands this fact about humans: we all want to be part of the tribe. The fools do not understand this, and so they are lead by the chief, even, at times, to their own destruction.

Faith through works

2006-05-10T00:28:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why we need to go to church so often. Why do we need to have so many meetings? To learn the gospel? Is the gospel that hard to understand that you have to go for three hours or more a week to understand the essential message?

What a complete waste of time.

What if a stake president took his thousands of members and had them build houses for the poor and homeless every Sunday? We would all meet at the work site, he would preach for ten minutes on Christ's moral teachings, take the sacrament, and then we would get to work.

Now what if every single stake decided to take a similar course of action every single Sunday for the next fifty years? Do you think we could solve some of our society's problems?

Where is the line?

2006-05-10T00:14:00.000-07:00

My brother was telling me about an experience he had as a missionary the other day. He said that he and his companion went to an investigator's house to get them to wake up for church on time. My brother didn't go into the house, but his comp was determined to wake the family up to get them to come. So after pounding on the door for awhile with no answer, the missionary decided to enter the house and get them up. He went into the investigator's bedroom and shook him awake.

The investigator threw the young missionary out of the house and called the stake president.

Now not too long ago, this story wouldn't have been that big of a deal to me, but now as I consider myself to be an adult and I understand the sanctity of my making my own decisions, I almost laughed out loud when my brother told me this. In fact I think I did laugh out loud.

The next day, a friend who's still going to BYU told me how his home teacher came into his bedroom to get him up and ready for church on Sunday.

Where is the line? Obviously walking into a stranger's house to get them to church isn't over the line for some members (myself included when I was on my mission), but how can this be right? How can Mormons have such disrespect for personal agency that they would go to such lengths to make sure they comply with the code of conduct?

How Mormonism can take away our humanity

2006-05-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

What is moral development? Moral development may be when the actor in life begins to make decisions that lead to an overall approach to beauty and goodness in her life. These decisions are made by the individual, and then the consequences of those decisions become evident as reality takes those decisions and extends them to their logical consequences.

Giving all of your decisions away to another creates an inauthentic individual. Within my religion, and perhaps most christian religions, there is an insatiable desire to give away our decisions to god. In fact, once we have felt god's spirit, or the holy spirit, our minds then simply go into automatic and we then commence to make every decision with the aide of this spirit.

As those consequences occur, the actor then can make up her mind to the rightness or wrongness of that action. If it leads to life, beauty, and authenticity, it is good. If it leads to pain, suffering, hurt or death, it is bad. As the actor takes on more and more challenging decisions, these decisions begin to become apparent, and then, almost magically, the actor begins to see a pattern. As she acts according to correct moral principles, correct things occur to her and around her.

Why, then, would any individual give up those most precious decisions to another? There is a complex answer, but I think it suffices to say that giving them up damns the individual. Giving up your decisions, whether they be to god, to the spirit, or to another individual, robs the individual of the opportunity to extend their understanding into reality. It robs them of their humanity. It robs them of their life.

What then is the purpose of the Holy Ghost? I cannot say that there is a purpose. Further, the Holy Ghost acts with such uncertainty and wanton existence that it is quite impossible to rely at all on the spirit to make decisions. So, to complicate this paradigm even more, the individual not only gives up their decisions to this spirit, but the time when the spirit decides to show it self is neither casually related to circumstance or at all reliable, even if the actor has done everything to secure its presence. In fact, you'll have people go to such lengths to have this spirit that they will do most anything to get it. When in reality, it's testimony has no real effect on our decisions because we cannot reasonably draw any real conclusion from its appearance whatsoever. For even if it does appear, we are left to our own devices to determine what if anything this spirit meant. That is a most inefficient and haphazard paradigm of making decisions that I have ever heard.

This cannot be the way of the universe. There is no order there. There is only chaos. There is only guessing, and as such, the actor is left swaying in the wind to anyone that can interpret this spirit to them, or simply goes upon their own biases and beliefs that they had in the first place.

This idea of giving all decisions to the spirit results in a moral quagmire. It makes the decisions of the individual mute. It makes the individual unable to ever authentically act because the actor has to constantly check with the other in order for their actions to be 'right', or the 'will' of god.

Now imagine you had a child. Imagine that your could give the child advice anytime they wanted. But when you gave advice to that child, the words were mere feelings of burning, or good feelings. And then the child was left to their own devices as to what the feelings meant. Now say that the child will no longer act at all on his own volition without having confirmation from your advice that their action was 'right'. This cannot be correct. This simply cannot be the way that we are able to choose correct decisions. It is horribly inefficient and inadequate and it robs the child from ever developing by realizing the consequences of their very own actions.

Demanding 100% obedience

2006-05-04T20:09:00.000-07:00

When a leader demands obedience from his followers, and then tries to seal their obedience through rituals, it shows a great sign of weakness.

If a leader truly leads, and if a religious or spiritual leader lines his actions with truth, then he will not care whatsoever if others are following him. He will have no need to because as he forges his way through reality by seeing and aligning himself to truth, others will want to follow; they, by their very own volition, follow his lead. They will recognize this order, strength, and wisdom, and they will want to be near it. Not all will follow, but those that want more light, or those that want to survive in this reality, will follow.

The opposite of this is for the leader to be so lost that he must exige obedience from his subjects. He doesn't know the correct way, so instead of real leadership, he turns around to his subjects and castigates, reminds, obliges, and enters into covenants with them to make sure they obey him; and this, of course, is weakness.

The leader is weak because instead of ordering reality, he focuses himself with the elements that would follow him if he were only correct. If he were correct in his ordering, others would not be able to help themselves, they would be drawn to him as a moth to a fire. The elements want it; they want to be lead towards beauty, they want to be lead towards order; they can't stand the murkiness of chaos. So, his demand that they obey is an obvious sign that he does not have this power. He does not have this order, and so no one by their own volition would follow him. They must be coerced through social pressures, fear, guilt, shame, or the abuse of knowledge. Only then will they follow the path that is not correct.

True leaders lead; they do not look around to make sure others are following.

Emotional control

2006-05-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

If the temple is so beautiful, if its doctrines so correct, then why don't they tell you what you have to swear an oath to before you swear it? Why can't they tell you what you will agree to before you enter the ceremony (you'd still be in the temple, so this would be alright to discuss such things, right?)

For those of you who have not gone through the temple, there is a part during the ceremony where you must agree to everything that will be told to you. You must bow your head and say yes. (It's nearly impossible to say no because you are surrounded by people you know and you don't want to disappoint them, you'd be the only one to say no, and you'd stop the whole ceremony) All of these are used to manipulate you into agreeing with what they say.

That's just wonderful.

But if it were all so beautiful, if it were all so true, then why use these emotional scare techniques? Why not be open about it and let the person weigh the decisions for themselves in their own time? Where is the honesty in making them decide before they understand what they are agreeing to?

God will not be mocked

2006-05-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Why not?

Is God so emotionally unstable that you can't mock him? Isn't that a sign of weakness?

Isn't god strong enough that he could take a million different forms of dissent or ridicule?

If he won't be mocked, what about the people who mock him all the time on TV, in life, and in conversations. What has happened to them?

I don't want to live by fear. Saying that god will destroy you if you mock him is a way to control you through fear. If God is so baddass, your mocking remarks won't bother him at all. And if they do, then he is no god.

Maybe we do focus on his life

2006-05-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

Throughout my mission, and even growing up, most Christians would ask me why I didn't have a cross around my neck if I was really Christian.

The standard reply was because we, as mormons, choose to focus on Christ's life and not his death. I remember giving the analogy that if someone shot your brother, would you carry around the bullet on your neck. Seemed reasonable.

But, when you really look at what Mormons focus on, I'm not sure if it's Christ life at all that we focus on, in fact, I'd say that we only talk about his death. Take your Sunday meeting for example: Every week you go for three hours, one of which is dedicated to partaking of the sacrament. Now what is that sacrament? It's the eating of the body and drinking of the blood of Christ.

Now think about that. You're eating a man's body and drinking his blood. That's what we call cannibalism. If you're down with that, that's great, but I think it's a bit bizarre.

Additionally, when do we ever stop to celebrate? Why isn't the Sunday meeting a celebration? Why isn't it a big freaking party? I mean, we're not going to die!! We're immortal!! And we have Christ to thank for that. But instead, we go to a funeral every Sunday: we sing songs about Christ, we eat his body and drink his blood, we cry and bear witness of his life, and then we sit and feel of his presence.

Where's the celebration of his life? Where are the instructions on what a gift it is to have a life, what we should be able to accomplish without fear of our mortality, how we fill that life with joy and laughter because the biggest battle has been one.

When does the party start?

It hasn't started. It's all one big, sad, mopey affair where we go to a funeral every Sunday to mourn the death of a man we've never met.

What is this blog about?

2006-05-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

It's spring, and it's time to move on with my life, but there are still many ties that I have to Mormonism, and still many questions that I have to answer. This blog will be a place for those questions, feelings, and hopefully it will be a positive influence as I take my first steps into a new life.

This is not an open forum, so if you're comment is not approved, that's the way it is. This site is a place for me to yell, to scream, and to make the occasional observation. Because I grew up in the church, went on a mission, attended BYU, and married in the temple, many of my posts will be about my experience within the Mormom reality. I hope as time goes by and I reflect more on this, I will be able to move on.

If you are offended by what you read here, that is not my concern. Close your browser window and move on.