Sunday, May 14, 2006

Making decisions, Part 4: the pattern of control

Going Fishing

I love to go fishing. I love being out there on the lake, trying to get the next fish with my bait. I'm very cunning because I put the food on a hook that the fish can't see. All they can see is the food, and they want to eat, so they take a bite, get hooked, and now I can control them.

This is exactly what the church does. They start out with pieces of truth for you to eat. You can feel the spirit and it feels good. You're not sure what the spirit is, why it is there, or what it really means, but that doesn't matter, because they will tell you what it means.

Emotional control starts by them giving up a little bit of truth in order to get you into their control. They will tell you that you are the son of a god, that you were created in his image and that one day, you will be a god yourself. This is a very powerful idea. It gives you a lot of power because you can do what god does, and you can be like him one day. The leaders will give up this truth in order to catch you on their line. Once they have you believe this, then they start to tell you other things that will make you unable to make your own decisions.

How the control starts

Once they have told you that you are a son of a god, they then start to make you doubt yourself. They will tell you that the human is fallen, that they sin all the time. Sin is the hook. Now they have you because in order to believe that you are a god, you will have to bite on the fact that you are a weak sinner. This starts the process of control.

You say to yourself, I don't want to sin anymore, or I want to be with god, but I'm weak, because I'm human. How do I get back to him? This is the question that you must be aware of; you have started down a path of not being in control. Once you start to doubt yourself and your own decisions, they will be able to control you. You will no longer have enough confidence in the decisions that you make to stand on your own. You won't be great, you will be powerless. They will tell you how to get back to him, but it is not through making your own decisions. You have to give up your decisions to Christ, and if Christ is not there, then you can look to them, and they will tell you what Christ would have said. But the problem is that you will never regain control of your life, ever!

We have seen how the culture within the church does not want greatness, it wants obedience. The leaders are afraid of people making their own decisions because the leaders will no longer be in control. The whole system is set up for you to look to the leader for your decisions. If they can keep you looking to the leader, then they have you on their line, and they will keep you there as long as you are in that emotional spectrum of decision making.

How far their control goes

The church has perfected this lifestyle to such an extent that they will control nearly every aspect of your life. They will tell you how to live in almost every circumstance, what type of partner to look for, what type of family you should have, how to be intimate with your wife, what time you should get up and go to bed, what to pray for and how to pray, how to interact with strangers, what to do on Sundays, what to do on weeknights, what type of pictures to put on your walls, what type of music to listen to, how you should approach your education, what you should study, how often to give your donations, how often to visit your neighbor, etc., They don't want you to be in control, so they give you a piece of truth for you to bite on, and then they have you on the line for as long as they want.

Why the church has a problem with pornography

The church has an epidemic on their hands. All these men in the church are having problems with watching pornography, but the leaders don't understand what is happening. Because the church controls so much, the men, who should be in control of their own lives, are not in control. So, when they are alone, and when no one else is watching, they will look at porn in order to regain some ounce of control. They will look at it for hours because that is the only time they are free to do what they want. And every time they watch it, on an instinctual level, they feel they are in control of their own life, even if it causes destruction. The leaders think that the answer to this is more control over the men, that by making it impossible to access the Internet in private, or by having someone else watch what they are doing online, that they will have to stop. But they won't. The desire to make their own decision is much more powerful than they realize.

It is the same reason why teenagers start to smoke. They are completely controlled by their parents, and so they will kill themselves by smoking if it means that they will have a little bit of control. They are asserting their own control by smoking. They are saying on an instinctual level, 'oh, you want to control me, well I can smoke these cigarettes and you won't be able to control me then." They are doing the same thing as the men in the church. The men, who should be making their own decisions in life, can't. So they will find ways in which they can be in control, even if it destroys themselves.

Own your life

This is your life. This is your time to be great. There is a fundamental problem with looking to the leader for all of your decision making, they don't know everything about you. They don't know your past, they don't know your true personality, they don't know what your biases are or where your speciality is, they don't understand your personal cicrumstances, and so, they will never have enough information to make the best decision for you, only you have that insight.

You should not care about being right. You should care about being in control. You should care about wanting to own your life and be responsible for your decisions. That is what life is all about, making your own way, finding out what works for you, trusting your instincts and living with them. As you start to trust your own instincts, you will start to become more and more powerful. You will have the confidence to believe in yourself no matter how many people tell you that you shouldn't be great. This is your time to shine. This is your time to be excellent, and when you give away your decisions, you will never have the chance to show your greatness.

The difference between people

The most destructive aspect of looking to the leader to make your decisions is that you are different. You are different than everyone else. One size does not fit all. Let me give you an example:

Say you are an ex-marine. You have been trained in the art of combat, you know how to kill, and you can defend yourself with just your hands. One night you walk in a dark alley after a movie to get to your car. As you pass through the alley, this mugger pops up with a knife and says, "give me your money or I'll kill you." Because of your training, you kick the knife out of the man's hand, beat him down, and then call the cops on your cell phone to pick the mugger up. In that moment, the marine was brave because he took on that mugger and defended himself.

What if you weren't an ex-marine? What if you were a fat, out of shape thirteen year old. You decided to take a short-cut threw the alley to get home after the movie. When you enter the alley, a mugger pops up with a knife and says, "give me your money or I'll kill you." The teenager decides to be brave and take on the mugger. The mugger easily dodges the kids attack, moves around the kid, puts the knife to his throat and kills him. The kid died because he was reckless.

How can you have the exact same circumstance lead to a good thing and a bad thing? The ex-marine and the teenager did exactly the same thing: they both took on the mugger and tried to defend himself. But one was good, the other bad.

The reason the same act could be good in one case and not good in the other is because of their circumstances. Each case was unique. The marine was not the same as the teenager.

Making your own decisions

The problem with giving away your decisions to the leader, or to anyone else, is that they do not understand your circumstances. They do not know the real you and everything in your life. They just don't have time for that. And so, they not knowing who you are, will tell you to defend yourself as the teenager, but this is exactly the wrong advice to give. This could lead to death. In a very real way, the leaders will tell everyone to act a certain way, but because they are not aware of personal circumstances, they could be sentencing someone to a grave mistake.

This is why you have to own your life. No one else knows who you really are but you. No one. When you decide to own your life and make your own decisions, you will start to grow in your own abilities. You will be able to make tougher and tougher decisions because you have experience on your side. This is the difference between being mature and wise, and being immature and reckless. The immature person can't make decisions without having to ask someone else what to do. They are like children.

You can be in control today. All you have to do is trust your instincts. Trust your hunches and realize that it is more important to be in control than it is to be right. Life is about being true to yourself. As you remain true to yourself, you will grow into a mature individual able to handle the tough obstacles in life. Then, you will be on your path to greatness.


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