Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Sweet Jebidiah

Life is so fun. My life, like I mentioned in my last post, has gotten so much easier. No more invisible gods to please, no more invisible supermen to 'save' me from my sins. It's just me and my pals. That's all.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Life keeps getting better

It's been a year since I've last stepped into an LDS church, and I couldn't be happier. I can't believe how much easier my life has been. There aren't any more conflicts in my life, nothing that has to change, and I can live day to day without any guilt, fear, or suffering from some imaginary reality.

Fuck the church.

Fuck those stupid bitches that think you should go sit in a chair for three hours and listen to someone that you don't know, that you've never met, that has no understanding of your circumstances and position in life, and have them tell you how you are not living correctly. What a fucking ridiculous system.

Since I've left BYU, and since I've stopped going to church, there are no more conflicts in my life, and I can't believe how easy life is. The biggest thing I have to worry about these days is where I'm going to eat lunch (and more often than not it's at Subway).

So, here's to my past life as a mormon, and here's to my so called education. You did nothing but fuck with my mind and brainwash me :-)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Patterns of Life

The Pattern of the Sad life

1. Do not forgive: anger and hate are very rich, deep, and enjoyable emotions, but unless you can forgive yourself and those that have hurt you, your soul can never move on from that pain associated with certain actions.

2. Play the victim: it's always someone else that has hurt you, wronged you, or is not correct, and you can't help but feel victimized when something bad happens to you.

3. Think only about your own problems: Focus on everything that is wrong. Really, this is just the pain of feeling pained. It's not that your problems are even that serious, you're just comparing them to an ideal reality where there are no problems, and now your reality doesn't match up to that, which causes you pain and anguish.

4. Find fault: Reality is self-reinforcing, and if there really is no fault, you will create it.

The Pattern of the Good Life

1. There is no where you have to be, and there is nothing you have to do: understanding this eases the mind and allows it to be free from the demands and duties that we place onto life. Nothing is really that important. There really isn't anything that you are going to do that will matter in the long run.

2. pain comes from our concepts about what life should be: pain is felt only when our emotions are tied to certain outcomes. The outcomes do not match our shoulds, and we are pained. But the pain is only from having our expectations not met; when we realize this, we then let go of our expectations and live in this life, not the life of the 'shoulds' or 'oughts'.

3. Fill your life with the beautiful: Figuring out what good there is to be found in life, and then enjoying that good on a daily basis.

4. You act, you are not acted upon. You don't let other's decisions determine your own understanding or attitudes. You're not the victim, you're acting. You're not preoccupied with all the things that have not been done for you, because you realize no one owes you anything, and so you move on with your life and create it the way you want it to be.


It's easy for me to see how much I've been living in the pattern of the sad life. I hope to be able to move on from here, and get myself into the pattern of the good life. We'll see.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Starting to reflect

I've always thought about meditating, and I even took a Buddhism class at BYU (what a mind job that was) so I've had assignments that involved meditating, but I don't think I've ever felt comfortable enough with myself to really try it. Until last night.

I've finally made enough distance between myself and the church/BYU that I'm starting to relax a little. No more constantly checking and rechecking to see if I'm in line with the other believers around me; no worrying about measuring up to some other worldly ideal; no more trying to change myself to be like the Mormon god; it's just me now. There's no one I have to answer to, and there's no one in my life demanding me to be this way or that. I'm almost in the complete opposite direction of where I was five years ago on my mission. I answer to no one.

It's a very sobering thought, and I think it's taken me long enough to realize that there really are no demands in life, only the ones we put on ourselves. It's easy to say that, but so much harder to existentially live it.

So last night was the first time that I started to really look inward, which, to me, is what mediation is all about. I sat there in silence in my living room. It was late so the streets were quiet and most everyone was asleep. I tried concentrating, but the hum of my computer was so loud, that I had to turn it off. There are so many things demanding our attention all the time, and when I was sitting there, I couldn't think until it was as quiet as I could make it.

For the first time in a long time, I really appreciated the silence. I just sat and listened, but something didn't seem quite right; it was too silenced. So I opened the window in the living room, and I could hear the nature outside. There must be something about the pace of nature found outside of our modern life. We try to bring nature into our lives with grassy lawns, or fountains in the building, but there's such a disconnect most times that we have to take camping trips. Ultimately, I think it's the pace of nature that we are wanting; we call it peace and quiet, but it's actually quite loud at times. So there must be more to it than just getting away from it all, because even when we get away, we're somewhere that's very alive.

I listened to the frog's croaking outside my window; the frog's voice would pulse, just like a heartbeat. I think that is the pulse of nature. If we could be still enough, we would feel that beat, and I think that is the beat of life, and I'm going to try to make that the beat of my lifestyle, not the modern clock we've created for ourselves.

Trying to quiet my mind was so difficult. I had thoughts that would zoom here and there; they were solutions and questions about my day, my life, and I couldn't stop them from coming. I think all those thoughts are really the attempts of my mind to find stability. I come up with the solutions, but the questions just keep coming, so it can't be that I'm really figuring anything out because once I've answered the question, another problem arises. So there must be something that the mind needs by creating all these problems that need solving, some sort of stability that it can hold on to, at least for a second, when it figures out an answer.

I realized that if I was ever going to get anywhere, I had to be able to think on one thought for a long time. I thought I would just try and concentrate on one phrase and go from there:

I am loved.

I started repeating that phrase slowly in my mind, and it still was difficult to not have other thoughts come racing in. At this time, I was sitting in my chair and facing towards the window; I wasn't in any unusual position, just sitting. I tried connecting my middle finger to my thumb on each hand, and that seemed to do something for me. I think that the reason most people meditate in certain positions is to allow certain parts of our mind to concentrate on keeping the position while other parts are allowed to be open to our thoughts.

There are three main parts to our minds; the intellect, the emotions, and the instinctual side. We make decisions with all three, but I think in meditating in certain positions, we allow the intellect to occupy itself with maintaining the position while the emotions and our instinctual mind can be free to concentrate on our thoughts. At least that's what if felt like for me while I held my hands that way. I didn't sit in any different position, but just held those certain fingers together.

And then I started repeating that phrase, trying to concentrate on the phrase itself and on the meaning of it. My mind started to quiet itself, and I started to look at the reasons I did certain things in my life. I still wanted to try to concentrate on that one phrase, but I just couldn't help examining the things I did in life. I think it's healthy to do that, but at the same time, I don't think my mind is really ready to look at what is really going on, at least until I can focus my thoughts enough to really look at my life.

So that's the goal. I'm going to try focus my mind with meditation over the next few days and weeks. We'll see how it goes.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Ensign to the nations? Get a fucking clue.

It's interesting to think about Salt Lake City as an ensign to the nations. Or, god willing, Jackson County, Missouri (the place of the future Mormon City) as an Ensign to the nations. Why? Because they're landlocked and isolated. What's with these religious leaders; how can they think the way to influence other nations is to cut yourself off from them?

No, if you want to see someone that is a standard to other nations, you look at New York, London, Hong Kong, Tokyo, etc., what do these powerful cities all have in common? Yeah, you guessed it; they're port cities. They have contact with the outside world on a daily basis! Other nations go to them to establish and engage in trade. Their proximity to the ocean facilitates that trade, and so, these cities have power and persuasion over other countries. When other countries engage in trade with them, the traders can't help but pick up on the new and different ideas and cultural values they see. And then, they take these new ideas and values home.

Why would anyone nation or trader go to Jackson County, Missouri? They wouldn't. There's nothing there! They would have no reason to go there, no trade to engage in, and so the church would have no means of really influencing these nations.

It was such a joke to see all the church leaders talking about the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City. They said it was the fulfillment of prophecy to have all the nations come to Utah for these Olympic games. Wrong. They weren't coming to Utah for the gospel, they were coming because of the fucking snow. That's why they came. That's what they wanted.

If I were a church leader and had two cents of understanding, I would start buying up real estate in a port city, like San Fransisco. With all the church's money I'm sure this wouldn't be difficult, and then I would put myself in the position of the primary trader to the outside world. Then, as other nations would come to trade, they would also start to pick up on aspects of my religion; it would expose them to new ideas that they could then take home with them. In this way, I would be influencing the world through trade, just like the Greeks, Egyptians, British, Americans, Japanese, etc.,

Or, I could get 10,000,000 acres in the middle of fucking nowhere and sing hallelujahs all day long and hope that my prayers would influence the rest of the world. And then I'd ride the wild unicorns.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Jesus died for us, now get over it.

I had a talk with a good friend the other day, and we were talking about our ol pal, Jesus. We were chattin about our missions and how every single moment we tried to think thoughts of Christ; we spoke of Christ, we praised Christ, we worshipped Christ. But then my pal asked me a question:

If you saved a kids life, would you want that kid to worship you?

Well, kinda. I thought about that for a minute, and then it hit me: Jesus wouldn't want us to worship him, he would want us to live our lives. He would want us to dance and be grateful we were alive because he saved us, not to spend all of our waking moments thinking about how great and wonderful he is. He doesn't give a shit! Get over it!

At least that's what I think. If I saved a kids life (kinda what Jesus has done for us) I would tell that kid not to mention me again, and to live his life by embracing and enjoying it.

Or you could spend your days on your knees weeping to Jesus, for the love.

Free at last

Thank god almighty I am free at last.

It's been about 8 full months since the last time I walked through the doors of my mormon church. Eight wonderful months. Sundays are so refreshing now :-)

I've never felt so free of all the emotional, guilt-ridden, hyper-religious reality in my whole life. I'm finally free from their grasp, and it feels good. It feels great.

I'm in a situation now in my life where I make the calls; I decide what is good and what is bad; I decide what I should do with my life and how I do it. Not god, not the spirit, not the brethern, not my culture, and not my church. Can you imagine the freedom? Can you imagine what that feels like?

Whenever I get some guys from the elders quorum over I usually ask them when was the last time they can remember that they made a decision for themselves, not for Jesus, the spirit, their wives, their mothers, their church, but just because they wanted to do it. Usually, they have to think long and hard, because they don't even realize how much they have given away to others.

I'm still in Provo. I plan to move relatively soon, but after I've stopped my attendance at church and BYU, Provo has grown on me. I like it here, at least until Winter comes.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Pattern of Emotional Control


Something for the kids. Feel free to make a copy and print it out to carry around with you in your wallet. So the next time a church leader tells you to consult your bishop with your major decisions in your life, you can just show him this simple illustration.

No thanks, bishop; I don't want to be controlled and eaten by you.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Do you have an addiction?

We are all aware of the common addictions of life, drugs, food, money, sex, etc., but have you ever considered that you may be addicted to certain emotions?

Just like certain drugs, our emotions can create a powerful feeling inside of us, and because that emotion makes us feel so much, we may be addicted to it.

Why do the same things keep happening to me?

In life, there are literally millions of possibilities for us to choose. We could do any number of things everyday. So, if we could choose so many different things in life, why does it seem that the same types of circumstances repeat themselves in our lives? It doesn't matter where you go, it seems that the same things happen to you over and over.

It's possible that you are addicted to the emotions that are created whenever that something happens. Because you are addicted to it, and you want to feel it, you will create it in your life. It's not just God that creates these patterns in your life, it's you! Part of you creates the circumstance that enables the emotions to be created where you can get your emotional high. You're an addict of your own emotions!

Why is this good to know?

When you start to realize that it's not God that creates these 'lessons' of life for you, but you create them because you want to feel them, then you can start to take control of your life. Just like an addiction to drugs will control you and make you do some things you probably never would have, when you are addicted to these emotions, you will do things in life that you probably wouldn't have but you do them because you want to feel those emotions.

So we are creating our problems?

In a very real way, yes. If you stop and look not just at the problem, but what emotions you experienced as you had that problem, you will be one step closer to understanding why you would want those feelings.

For instance, say that no matter where you go, you always seem to find a way to get into a confrontation. You obviously have been wronged by someone, and so you stick up for yourself and make them realize what an ass they are! But this seems to happen over and over to you, even in different towns and cities. So even though the variables keep changing, like the city and the people, the constant remains the same, you get into confrontations with people that have obviously wronged you, you stick up for yourself and then tell them off. Could it be that you are addicted to that emotion? You are emotionally addicted to that confrontation.

How can I tell what emotions I'm addicted to?

When you look at your life, what do you see? What patterns seem to happen to you over and over again, regardless of the place or time? You can compose a mini-science experiment on your life to see what emotions you are addicted to. There are variables, and then there are constants. What is constantly happening to you even when you change the variables, or circumstances, in your life?

Once you have determined what keeps repeating in your life, you can then start to look at what emotions you feel as those things happen to you. Perhaps you really are addicted to suffering, so you create situations where that happens, or perhaps you are addicted to feeling in control, so you create the situations where you get that emotion. As you start to look at what emotions are attached to your repeating pattern, you will then be on the road to being in control of your emotions, instead of them controlling you.

There are all sorts of addictions to our emotions that we should look at. Once we understand that life can be an infinite amount of possibilities, but the same thing keeps happening to us, then we can start to uncover why it is that those things keep reoccurring and whether or not we really want them to keep happening. We co-create our own reality with God. We can influence it and change it, and so it's up to us whether or not we want to really be in control of our emotions, and ultimately, the life that we create.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Thoughts create life

The understanding that our thoughts have power to create

Can we influence life and reality?

I believe that we are active co-creators of reality with everyone around us. Each of us has a consciousness which produces thoughts. These thoughts could be seen as waves of life. These waves give life to and form different elements of matter. As many small, similar forms of matter cling to each other, the thoughts begins to be constructed into reality. As these constructions grows, it acquires other forms of energy that are similar to it until the reality and life is created.

An experiment to see how thoughts form different crystal patterns in water.

The left water was labeled with "Thank you" and the right crystal was formed while playing a symphony by Mozart.

Water changes rapidly and is unstable. Dr. Masaru Emoto, who discovered that molecules of water are affected by our thoughts, words, and feelings. Since humans and the earth are composed mostly of water, it helps us to understand the power that our thoughts have in creating our life and reality around us.

Dr. Emoto conducted experiments on water where he would place labels of words next to distilled water and watch the patterns that would form as crystals.

The water on the left was labeled as 'demon' the water on the right was labeled with 'you make me sick'.

It's amazing to see how elements of water responded to the labels that were placed next to them. We can see that our own bodies, which are about 90% water, might be affected by these thought patterns.

It is possible that thoughts can actually be toxic to the body. And it is also possible that our body can be ordered through beauty.

What does that tell us about the ideas and thoughts that we have and that we are exposed to?

It's possible to see that our thoughts have a real affect at creating the life and reality around us. I think, then, we should really try to be conscious of the different forms of energy and thoughts that surround us and that are in our lives because they have the power to create life.

Monday, June 12, 2006

How people are like dogs and cats

What is so different about dogs and cats? Dogs are usually genuine, lovable, trusting, and loyal. Cat's are likely to be self-interested, coy, curious, a bit arrogant, haughty, and concerned about themselves.

What can we learn from dogs and cats that can help us understand different ways of looking at life?

There are many people that have the same type of dispositions as dogs. They're genuine. If they love you, they'll show you. If you scare them, they'll bark at you. Dogs love life and they love others, and they show that. That's wonderful, but it opens them up to a huge disadvantage: others will use the genuineness that dogs have against them. They will control them through their weakness, their weakness being that they trust others. Because dogs can't imagine that someone would use genuineness against them, they don't ever question it.

People can be very similar to dogs. They are genuine with their feelings; they're open and honest, and they want to help. They trust others, and they trust that others will have the same way of looking at life; that's what makes them so lovable, because they see the world that way and they can't help treat others with the same type of love.

Are there people that have the same dispositions as cats?

Yes. There are people that use the same type of feelings as dogs, love, loyalty, trust and genuineness, but they manipulate these feelings to make others look towards them. Like cats, these people don't actually care about others, they simply want to use them as a way to get attention and have control over them.

These types of people will use emotions to control you. They use fear, guilt, shame, love, and your self-worth against you to make you do what they want you to do. They live in an emotional reality, where emotions rule the way they make decisions, look at life, and how they communicate with others.

Dogs live on the surface; they're not concerned about using people, so they would never suspect others to use them. Cat's live below the surface; they use the same types of words and emotions that genuine animals use, but they use these emotions to make others do what they want. What do they want? Control. Why? Because when you live in an emotional world like they do, they don't have anything to hold onto. On the inside, they are lost in a storm of emotion, and so to get control on the inside, they will try and control others on the outside so they feel like they have some control. But it doesn't work. Why not? Because they are trying to solve an internal problem externally. They never get to the source, and so they can never solve the problem.

Are there people out there that manipulate the good, the love, and the trust that others have to gain control?

If you do not realize this, then you are in danger. You are in danger of being controlled by people who want control. They will use the same words you use, they will talk the same way, they will say the same phrases, but they do not live on the surface, they are only using these things to get you to do what they want.

How can I tell if the person is like a cat or a dog?

If the person genuinely loves you, they will never want to control you. They will never want to make your decisions. They don't care about decisions, they care about love and trust.

If the person is trying to control you, they will have you look to them when you make your decisions. Your world will be preoccupied with them, you'll think about how they are feeling and if you have hurt them, and they will use all of these emotions to make your world revolve around them.

Women do this very well. Not all woman, but many woman. They will give the man a little bit of love, but they will end up telling the man what to do in all of his decisions. The man will not be able to make any decision without his wife's consent, and the woman will be over the man, telling him what is ok and what is not ok to do.

The church is the same way. The church is much like a manipulative woman; it follows the same pattern of control. They use words like truth, love, and god in order to bring you in. And then, they will start to take away your decisions. Your life will start to revolve around the church. You will start to ask your bishop about major life questions, even though it is your life and he will never fully understand the particulars in your life. You will start to ask God if each decision you make is what he wants you to do, much like an emotional abusive woman would have her husband act. The husband will look to the wife in every decision. Never trusting himself, always giving away his decisions to his wife.

The church will say that they are about truth and light, but they only ever talk about what the leaders say. They only read conference talks about the latest words from the leaders, they quote previous leaders and their opinions about life, and they will have you memorize the leaders words. They don't have storehouses of truth from toasim, buddhism, science, literature, history, etc., in fact, these things really don't matter to them, all they want you to focus on is what the leader says and how to obey the leader. Like a cat, they will use the words of truth and light, but they never seem to go beyond their own words.

Another way they will try to control you is to hurt you emotionally. They will call you names or find a tiny piece of your words they can use to control you. They don't really care about what you say or what you're trying to say, they just want to control, so they find something obscure and meaningless to get you to look towards them. Because you are genuine, you think they are being genuine too, and perhaps there is something to what they are saying, but your are mistaken. They are not looking for understanding, they are looking for control. They don't ask questions, they tell you where you are wrong.

They will also get emotional to try and control you. For instance, they will cry and cry in order to get you to look at them and ask what is wrong. They won't ever tell you, or they will say they don't know, because if they did tell you, you might have a chance of fixing the situation, and they would never want that, because then they would lose their control they've gained over you.

Why are church leaders so emotional? Why do they cry almost every time they give a talk? Is is normal for a grown man to cry? Some leaders are genuine, but when you live in that emotional reality, and you are genuine, it becomes very difficult to tell who is genuine and who is not. The only way is to look at what they are saying. Are they trying to get you to look to them to understand your own life? Are they trying to get you to consult them and their god before you make a decision? If so, you must be careful.

How do you stop from being controlled by them?

The answer is pretty simple. Start living your own life. Start making your decisions for yourself because you want to make them. Do not consult them when you are trying to make a decision. Even if you make a mistake, that is ok. You will learn from your mistakes, and you will not make it the next time. Life is about learning from our mistakes and then getting better. But you'll never be on that road to independence as long as you are always looking back to someone else to help you make your decisions.

When you stop caring about what the controlling person wants, then you will be able to move on with your life. They will scream and yell, they will tell you you are going to hell, or that god will be angry with you, but don't listen to them. God wants you to be you. He wants you to develop and grow in your own life in your own way. You are a unique flower that can only bloom when you believe in yourself enough to open your petals to the sunshine. Don't let them hide the beauty and life that is inside of you. Don't let them stop you from blooming. Life is an adventure, and making your own decisions is the first step.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

The mormon tower.

I can see off in the distance in my mind a picture of the emotional context of the mormon church. I’m going to paint it for you.

It looks just like the lord of the rings tower. A giant structure reaching towards the sky, with a society gathered around it in a circle. But, the L. of the rings movie didn't have it right; there would never be just one great wizard in the tower; there would be an entire Order. There would be the grand wizard, his complementary mindmen, and their complementary mindmen followers/disciples; there would be several levels to this hierarchy and each circle (level) would have larger and larger numbers and the disciples less able. At the bottom would be the grand wizards small army - millions of followers. Stupid. Blind. And trusting. Each tower would represent a different order, and on the great stretch of the continent, there would be many, many different towers. Each tower holds a different grand master who has their followers living in a particular emotional reality that he has created with its particular gods and conceptions of the meaning in life.

They want control. Because they know the mind, the emotions, and the soul they become wizards, or knowers of the mind and emotions. They intuitively use their knowledge of the power of fear, death, very emotional feelings like sex, familial and communal ties, sacrifice, etc. to control others. They have great power, but because they seek to rule over others and not let others rule themselves they are ultimately limited. They can only pull certain types of people out of reality (emotional types), and they place onto their minds an emotional context that has nothing to do with every day life, designating certain actions to mean something far greater than they really are. Basically, they create emotional myths that their followers live and die in.

Each tower would be a type of an emotional generator that would attract a certain type of person from the greater civilization. They will never be able to control the entire society - they don't want to. They want the weak, those that are trusting, and cannot think for themselves, and then they raise their children for the them, generation by generation. They get all of them to look towards the leaders, telling them to never even move or blink without their approval, direction, and designation. All of their followers look like them, talk like them, fuck like them, and they (followers) never stop talking about them (leaders), or the paradigm they (leaders) created for them. It is evil, because they use the good and the truths of our emotional selves to get others to only look at them, never telling the people to trust themselves and their personal particular capacities, to be their own self, extending with their particular capacities to lift up the entire civilization towards the greater good. No, they never reorder the entire society, lifting up the whole, they just have their few, stupid followers looking up at them all day long, chanting, singing, and worshiping them. I remember last year there was a birthday party for the prophet. There were over 20,000 people there, and the news did an interview with some of the guests. These guests were literally weeping as they explained how grateful they were to be there. At his birthday party. Crazy. These wizards wield more power over the mind than you can possibly imagine.

Welcome, to Christ's emotional world.

For me, it's quite difficult to believe one can accurately follow someone else's way of being whom they have never seen themselves, especially someone who lived a million paradigms ago; it is obvious that one is following one's interpretation of that person, rather than christ himself (or what Christ represented). For instance, the new testament movie shows christ as a blond hair, blue eye nordic being (I think the guy that played him was actually from denmark). Just as the aesthetics have been revalued to fit the leaders' likeness, so have Christ's teachings. Today, 'church' (more in Utah than anywhere else) is nothing more than a commercial social network, a social hierarchal position measuring mechanism, and a rameumptom alter.

Ultimately, 'Christ's' followers are nothing more than slaves (being commanded in all things) with tits (effeminized males), who think 'serving your fellow man' means mowing lawns and moving furniture, they experience reality in an hyper-emotionalized, apocalyptic vision where it makes sense to have a 'two year supply' of beans in your basement and leave your home and family to live in a foreign country (you are never actually mentally in the country, the country is just a contextual variable that has no real significance; it and its people are used as a means to further indoctrinate the emotional missionary into the mormon paradigm) for two-years where you cannot read any outside material (newspapers, books, magazines) or talk with your family for more than 20 minutes a year. Crazy. They are slaves with tits who ride an emotional tornado, because they have no understanding of the human's emotional needs. So, their emotional needs are manipulated, misdirected, and are feasted upon by false priests who oppress.

It may be the case that we are using Christ's identity to embrace a psychological, mythic sensibility, which we have had a large part in constructing that actually has nothing to do with Christ but everything to do with our own emotions. But, what is important to me is the modern experience of 'Christ'.

He now represents much more than we realize: individual power over individually irrelevant circumstances, the pacifier of mental shame through simple actions (baptism) and non-action (faith), the ultimate psychological decision stabilizer in inherently risky existence (looking to leaders to know how to act even on one's honeymoon (I'm not kidding), a paradigm where trivial actions become cosmological significances whose inconsequential results equal eternal luxury, an intimate non-existent companion who gives unending direction, counsel, and relief (like using 'GOD' to find your lost car keys), a 'known' celestial illusion to be relieved from overwhelming, unconquerable contexts, the complete annihilation of the self for the other which becomes the means of gaining extramundane validation (using people as a means to secure your 'love' and from God), security, peace, aggrandizement, literal mansions, etc., the chief who deserves every sacrifice of devotion, and the authority who gives social prestige by giving a deindividuational, 'chosen' identity from the 'unchosen', 'wicked' group through the 'opposition to and morally superior' heroic/savior/judging executioner mentality. And much, much more. I will spend a great more time on deconstructing this paradigm.

Awesome emotional power exists behind the experience of Christ. There also exists great evil in this experience. The temptation to personally dictate to others in his name, as opposed to teaching correct principles and allowing people to govern themselves, is almost beyond comprehension. Unfortunately, the cost of using his name in this way is the antithesis of the essence of pure religion: the usurpation of the individual's authenticity.

Christ has also broken through some psychological barriers that no other human being has even ever considered. For instance, he said that the children of God love their enemies. If you see that the enemy is just the contempt for yourself placed onto another, then Christ holds a key to true psychological wholeness.

Ultimately, these followers live in an emotional reality that has no stability, no future, and no joy in the moment and the goodness that this world has to offer. Subconsciouslly, like their personal lives, they are proud of the fact that their state is one of the most polluted in the nation, because it means that their god has to come and 'save' them, which is just a heightened emotional experience.

There is way too much to write on this; but, i will go down the line and show you how they emotionally manipulate our minds and our emotions. They are children lost in their self-created, fear-based delusions. They have a lot to offer the world; in more ways than one.

The truth is Christ has done more for our psyche than we can possibly imagine, and we have done more to 'Christ' than we could possibly accept.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

What is the good?

Part of the 'good' is to make your own decisions. The 'good' could be described as an individual believing in themselves to act on their own understanding.

Why would that be good?

Each of us is unique. Each individual has developed certain traits and talents that if acted upon, will bless them and everyone around them. As you act and are in control of your own decisions, you will start to see yourself grow and become a unqiue, powerful individual.

How do you participate with the good?

When you start to make your own decisions in life, you will see that you have a natural talent towards a certain aspect of life. As you make tougher and tougher decisions, you will grow in strength and ability. You will start to mature and become powerful in the domain you have chosen to act in. As you do this, you will have a specific way of looking at life, or of creating something unique that will benefit you, but it will also benefit the rest of society.

How could society benefit if I simply start making my own decisions?

Because each of us is unique, we each bring something different to the table of life. When everyone is their own individual, they make the society stronger, they create something that could benefit the rest of the group through their uniqueness. This is very similar to our current economy. People diversify enough that by their own individual talent, they can then offer something better and faster than anyone else, and so you go to them to use their services, which allows you to save time and focus on doing your own thing. In time, that other person will come to you and he will benefit from your own unique gifts.

In the same way that our lives have benefited because people can choose for themselves which profession to follow, if people were allowed to make their own moral decisions, come to their own moral beliefs and conclusions, then society would benefit morally as it does economically. People would come up with moral innovations the same way they come up with economic innovations, and it would benefit those around them.

Is that why taking away decisions from others is evil?

That's right. When you tell other people that they are weak, sinful, and shouldn't trust themselves because of the 'natural man', you are robbing them of their chance to extend in life, their chance to make decisions and progress in their own unique way. If they have to give up all of their decisions to their leaders, they will never develop in their own way, they will simply become copies of the leader.

Ultimately, this will hurt the society. It will make it stagnate like a pool of stagnant water. No new developments will be made, no new insights. This is one of the reasons that when you go to church on Sunday, you hear exactly the same things over and over and over again. Why? Because the leaders do not allow for innovation, so there are no new insights, no new understandings.

How can I start on the path towards the good?

Own your life. Start making decisions because you want to make them. Start to take control of your life and stop living it for Jesus, your parents, your bishop, the prophet, or even God. Ultimately, God wants you to be the best you, not the best copy of your bishop. He knows that inside you is incredible strength, insight, creation and beauty. The leaders will try to stop you by telling you that you are weak, sinful, and disobedient, but you are a creation of a beautiful being, and a beautiful being would not create something ugly and broken like they would have you believe.

What is evil?

Sex. sex is evil, right? Bullshit.

What is evil?

Telling others that they should only listen to their leaders instead of making their own decisions.

Why is that evil?

When your decisions are taken away from you, you are not in control. You don't grow morally because you don't make your decisions. That is the goal of the whole mormon church: give away your decisions to the leaders. Then they have power. They have the control over your life.

Why is that detrimental to the individual?

Are you a child? Children don't make their own decisions, adults do. Adults have to weigh different variables in their life and choose which decision is the most correct in their particular context. As they start to make their own decisions, they will begin to see whether or not if those decisions are helping or if they are hurting. If they are hurting, then they will change, and hopefully, they will gain knowledge from their experience so they can learn to choose the good from the bad the next time they have to make a decision. As they do this, they will become more apt at making decisions. They grow. They mature. They are an adult.

The goal is to be in control of your own life. If you give away your decisions, you will be dependent on someone else to make your decisions. You will remain as a child. You will not be able to make more and more difficult decisions because you gave your decisions away to someone else. All you will understand is how to obey. That is what you will learn; how to obey with exactness, not how to be an adult and to make your own decisions.

How do you know if you are in control of your life?

Ask yourself when was the last time you made a decision just because you wanted to make it. Not for Jesus, not for your wife, not for your church, not for your bishop, but you did it simply because you wanted to do it. It came from you, and you wanted to do it, and so you did. If you can't remember, or if you can count how many times you've made a decision only on one hand, then you are being controlled. You are not in charge of your life, they are.

Friday, June 09, 2006

The mice and the pied piper.

I'm so disgusted with the religious right attacking gays. Knowing how it feels to be a marginalized group within society, you'd think religious people would be a little more empathetic in their conclusions.

But, the fact is the religious leaders need not worry about whether or not the ban will one day come to pass. Just us talking about it means their goals have been accomplished. Like Jason said, it's a goose chase. And they got you us looking in the wrong direction, and because it's so emotional, you'll never not talk about it. In fact, I bet they actually don't want any amendment to pass; they gain too much power from the fear of gays.

The fear they generate from homosexuals is unbelievable to me. To think that such a small percentage of people could actually do anything so drastic as to what they say is unbelievable to me. Committed men in a stable relationship are going to "attack" society? Not terrorists, not unchecked white collar crime, not unbelievable domestic espionage, not the retaliation from the rest of the world for having secret prisons in foreign countries, or holding human beings in prisons for an unknown length of time (god knows what those human beings are going through) not having secured borders, not the culture of producing to waste with millions of tons of pure garbage needing to be buried every day, not the question of being the 7th most polluted state in the union, not having an entire lake in Provo being polluted by one steel company for hundreds of years, not knowing what to do with all the nuclear waste, not understanding the capacities of our own selves to thirst for power. (These threats are just what comes to mind after thinking about it for 10 seconds, but when have you heard about this stuff over the pulpit from leaders whose job it is to know and act according to this knowledge?) NO, the one thing that is going to ruin our society is two men promising to love and strengthen each other for the rest of their lives. THAT is what is going to 'ruin' us!!! You idiots, gays are already boinking each other! You think their boinking power is going to be so destructive because they'll have property rights, or because they'll be able to adopt a kid or two?! More kids will die from drowning in their parents pool, because they didn't secure it, then there will be adopted kids by two committed individuals. You can't catch gay. Of those adopted kids, not all of them will 'turn' gay. So, where is the real danger that must be there since we're all talking about it to the point of having our government intrude into our lives telling us who and who not we can commit ourselves to.

Have the religious right thought about the precedent they are making? They're using the government to promote their utopia. Now, what will happen in 180 years when the religious culture has changed? In 180 years maybe they'll all be "Christians", but it will mean something totally different. Maybe the New Age culture will spread from California to the rest of the country, and the democratic majority will see 'traditional' marriage as archaic and backwards. They'll say that their god told them that traditional marriage is limiting society, and free love and open relationships is what 'Christ' really wants us to have. Since the government banned Same Sex Marriage in 2008, why couldn't it ban all marriages? And so the majority vote on an amendment, it's passed, and there are no more 'traditional' marriages.

You fuckin' morons. You are all being used. You are all being controlled by pure fear. The truth is you don't want to be the ostracized group that reaps God's wrath, and so you attack those that are. Your wrath has no bounds, your contempt is merciless, and it's your own weakness that tears at your heart. Make no mistake, when gays are in political power, the religious right will just switch to the next powerless group, and the rabble-rousers' anger, with the accompanying bruises and emotional deaths caused from the judgments and conclusions of their thrown stones, will become a form of worship.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

What is the real evil? Gays, or the abuse of Power?

There has been a lot of talk lately about the Mormon Church supporting an amendment that would ban gay marriage. Why are they doing this when there are so many other pressing matters that have such a larger impact on our lives? I think the answer is complex, but there are a few ideas that I'd like to write about.

Gays are an easy target; Homosexuals are not a very large minority within the church (or within society), and because they are not a vocal minority within the church, they become an easy target, much like the youth of the church. So, when the leaders want to close the ranks, they need to find an enemy in order to rally support for their side, and they see the gays as an easy enemy. Can you imagine if the church focused its political power on corrupt political leaders? Or corrupt business men? These two parts of society are very powerful, and they affect our lives much, much more than any gay marriage ever would, and yet they are largely silent about both of them.

What is real evil?

I've asked some members in the church what evil is, and they usually can't come up with anything off the top of their heads (I'll go more into this later) but they mostly say that evil is to not do what God says (which really is just tribal obedience to the chief).

What is evil? I think there are two main types of evil; first, evil is to use others for your own ends; second, evil is to stop people from their own moral growth. Why would the church define morality as simply a matter of sexual relations? If you've ever been to many church meetings, they'll talk all about the immorality of today, and by that, they usually mean sexual promiscuity. I don't think I've ever heard a talk or discourse from the pulpit about abusing your power over people, or correct business ethics for our business owners, or how to find people that manipulate the good to get others to follow them. When was the last time you heard a talk about political corruption? I don't think I've ever heard one.

Abusing your power over others is evil. It is taking your role as a leader and making others follow and obey you instead of trusting in themselves. The church leaders don't say to follow your own understanding. They don't tell you to make decisions for yourself and to see those consequences as the first step towards moral development. In fact, they tell you the opposite; they say that you should consult your bishop over your decisions, you should listen to the leaders to understand how to act, and you should not rely on your own understanding to make decisions. But this robs you of your decisions, and then you are not in control of your life, they are. This is an abuse of power; this is evil.

They don't want you to understand real evil

They take away your decisions for a little bit of safety. And they don't want you to know this, or to even understand that this is evil, so they focus on something that is very powerful emotionally, sex. And then they focus on an obscure act of sex, homosexuality, because the homosexuals are largely powerless.

The leaders' decision to focus on sexuality as the whole context of morality is a big goose chase. And when you're chasing the goose, you won't notice that they are the ones making all of your decisions and robbing you of your ability to act on your own understanding in life, whether it is right or not right. They don't want you to be an adult making your own decisions, they want you to remain as a child, meek, humble and always obedient.

Is it all about Public relations?

It could be a reason. The church wants to be a larger part of mainstream christendom, and so moving with them would seem appropriate to show others that they really aren't that different. But why do other christian churches use their political powers against homosexuals instead of focusing on the real threats of society?

It seems to me that someone down the line used the good as a means to get others to follow them and to get people to give away their decisions, property, and even lives to those in power. And now, the current Mormon church and other Christian sects don't mind perpetuating the morality they have created because it keeps them in control.

Mormonism as a tribe, Part 10: The family tribe

Tribalism is a good thing for the individual in the context of the family.

The basic building block of society is the individual within the family tribe.
Family tribalism is the way to give meaning to the individual's life. When the individual takes a wife or many wives and creates a small family unit, in essence he creates a tribe. The next building block of society then is the family, the tribal family. After that comes the next extension, institutions. After that, states and then nations.

Individual, tribal family, institutions, states, nations.

But in our society, institutions have become more powerful than the tribal family, and they usurp the traditional roles of tribalism to extend its own ends. The individual, without the help of his own tribe, then must look towards the institution for safety and meaning. But we have missed a step. We have taken away the tribal family and put in its place the institution.

Individual, institution, states, nations.

Why would this be bad? Ultimately, when that individual is with his own tribe, there is a mental safety given to that individual: he knows his place, he knows his people, and he knows his duty to the tribe. It's an animal instinct that has been ingrained into us for tens of thousands of years. Nature has found a way for the individual to be safe within the context of this reality, to fully extend as an individual, and to help himself by helping his own people. But that is gone, and in it's place is the institution.

The institution uses the tribal mentality for its own ends

But this is a horrible thing for the individual. Sooner or later, the institution will require everything from the individual in order to appease its own ends, which then becomes the annihilation of the individual for the institution. Ultimately, because there is no check on the institution's power by the power of the tribe, the institution will swallow the individual for its own gain. The family tribe is the check on the institution. The individual can give everything to and for his own tribe because in a very real way, he is the tribe, and the tribe is him. He has come from the tribe in the presence of his elders and ancestors, and he will live as part of the tribe during his present life, and someday he will procreate and strengthen the tribe by and through his progeny. But, the institution is not the tribe, and so it is not the individual.

The institution begins to use these individuals without the proper mental reciprocation. And without the family tribe, the individual becomes lost in the duties of the institution, which ultimately is no way tied to his psyche or progeny. This creates a mental disconnect with the individuals understanding of reality. There is something missing; the tribal family no longer exists in his mind, and he has become disillusioned with the institution because he has seen and felt that it will take everything from him without giving him the necessary mental safety and meaning.

The tribal mentality should only be used within the context of the family tribe

Institutions have robbed the family tribe of its traditions, rites, and rituals for its own ends. Religious institutions use this family tribalism and places itself as the new chief of the individual. And that, ultimately, will lead to the individual's death. But I can see how these rituals, rites, alters, and sacrifices make sense when the chief is a tribal father, whose devotion is warranted because his likeness is the same as the individual. In a sense, the individual is worshipping, sacrificing, and fighting for himself.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Problems with Groupthink within the Mormon Church

Groupthink is a concept that was identified by Irving Janis that refers to faulty decision-making in a group. Groups experiencing groupthink do not consider all alternatives and they desire unanimity at the expense of quality decisions."[1] ([2] (

Groupthink is also defined as a "phenomenon wherein people seek unanimous agreement in spite of contrary facts pointing to another conclusion."[3] (

It is said that groupthink "occurs when groups are highly cohesive and when they are under considerable pressure to make a quality decision."

His eight symptoms indicative of groupthink:

1. Illusion of invulnerability
2. Unquestioned belief in the inherent morality of the group
3. Collective rationalization of group's decisions
4. Shared stereotypes of outgroup, particularly opponents
5. Self-censorship; members withhold criticisms
6. Illusion of unanimity (see false consensus effect)
7. Direct pressure on dissenters to conform
8. Self-appointed "mindguards" protect the group from negative information

His seven symptoms of a decision affected by groupthink:

1. Incomplete survey of alternatives
2. Incomplete survey of objectives
3. Failure to examine risks of preferred choice
4. Failure to re-appraise initially rejected alternatives
5. Poor information search
6. Selective bias in processing information at hand (see also confirmation bias)
7. Failure to work out contingency plans

Social psychologist Clark McCauley's three conditions under which groupthink occurs:

* Directive leadership
* Homogeneity of members' social background and ideology
* Insulation of the group from outside sources of information and analysis

What to do about it

I remember speaking with a BYU professor about this problem, I asked him what the church is doing to prevent these groupthink conclusions from taking place; he didn't have an answer for me, and I'm still wondering why the church, byu, and my local ward don't take measures to prevent it from happening.

I think these following traits are some of the most telling within the church.

5. Self-censorship; members withhold criticisms
6. Illusion of unanimity (see false consensus effect)
7. Direct pressure on dissenters to conform
8. Self-appointed "mindguards" protect the group from negative information

If groupthink is common knowledge, why does the church continue to promote these traits that encourage it?