Friday, May 19, 2006

Calls from the home teacher

Service as a means to an end

It's been a month that my home teacher has tried to pencil me in for a visit. Each time he calls, I tell him that I can't make it, or I'm too busy. I know it's not honest, but if he's not being honest with me, than I guess I can return the favor.

It was funny to me because I didn't know this guy, I've never met him outside of church, and I didn't want to know him. So why is he calling me? Well, because he wants to fulfill his duty to God by seeing me and bringing me back to the fold. There's only one problem with that, he doesn't know who I am. Why is that a problem? Because if he doesn't know me, than I simply am a mean to his ends. He doesn't see me as a person, he sees me as a way to show his obedience to his god by doing his duty, and I become another notch on his righteousness belt.

There is a fundamental problem with Mormonism; they focus on the action of service, not the individual. How could that be a problem? Service becomes a means to achieve their righteous desires. So, instead of focusing on the person, they focus on the act of service. It does not matter who the person is, or who they really are, it just matters that they can get their service done for God. Just like this home teacher, he never knew me, he really didn't want to know me, he just wanted to get his service done. And that is unfortunate.

It is quite possible to have your home teachers in your home, talk to you for over half an hour, and then leave, and they really never looked at you, asked you a real question about your life, or get to know you as a person. They just need to get their 'service' done so they rattle of a scripture, ask a how you are doing, and then head out the door. And that is what happens when the whole system is based upon an action and not an individual.

Artificial relationships

I was on the phone with my home teacher when I finally told him that I didn't want him to come over. He asked me why not, and I told him that I didn't want to be a means for him to get to heaven. The relationship was not genuine; he didn't know me, he didn't want to know me before this calling, and he probably would not have gotten to know me at all if it wasn't for this calling. I told him that this relationship was artificial, and it had artificial ends. He was just using me to get to heaven, and I didn't want anything to do with that.

He asked me how he could make it genuine, and I told him that it would be nearly impossible, because we don't live in the same circles, we have different interests, and we have different lifestyles. In order for it to be a genuine relationship, you'd have to know me as a person first, and given how different we both were, that probably would never happen (this wasn't a knock against him, it was just the reality that we were both very different).

Using people to get to heaven

I'm not sure how Mormons can get around this. They have to realize that they just use people to get to heaven and feel god's love. They use them to do their service, use them to baptize them to show their obedience to the chief, and they use people to get married in order to get to heaven.

This is why in Mormon society it is possible to marry someone within weeks of knowing them. How could this be possible? Because the whole system is based on actions and not individuals, it doesn't really matter who you marry, as long as you both want to get to heaven. So, it is possible to find someone and then within a couple of weeks of meeting them, get married an get sealed to them for eternity so you can have the highest glory in heaven.

But in the end, they don't really know this person, just like my home teacher didn't know me.


Blogger Jason King said...

The whole system is based upon an outward standard. And as long as you adhere to a standard to make decisions, nearly all your decisions will be focused on achieving those standards, which means you will often overlook the individual.

I've had great hometeachers in the past. I'd say the majority of the people within the church are great people, and I think their heart is in the right place when they do what they're told to do, but the whole system they participate in has been reduced to outward actions as a means of gaging righteousness, and when you do that, the very reason that the action exists is usurped by the action itself. Then it is possible to focus on 'service' as an action, and not something that happens when you genuinely care about individuals.

"as you apparently understand as you censor my comments"

You are probably well aware that quite a few of your comments follow the same pattern of emotional manipulation that the church uses on people. If you want to debate the idea being presented, that is one thing, but this is not a public platform to use as a means of emotionally controlling people.

"you fling around the term mormonism as if it a tightly packaged and well defined thing"

This is my blog, not an academic paper, and I'll use the term Mormonism however I want to use it, loosely defined or not. These posts are simply observations based upon my own individual interpretation of Mormonism, which may or may not be different for other people. I've designated certain posts with certain titles, which will help to categorize what I'm talking about when referring to Mormonism, but it may be nearly impossible to define, much like the term religion.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Jason King said...

"However, for language to have any sense, one must give (or show) the sense in how one is using language"

For your premise to be true, I would have to be using the word in a vacuum. I'm not using the word in a vacuum, so people must be able to understand what I'm talking about because the word is already used in the common vernacular. Besides, there's always Google :-) And if they made it to my blog, they can probably use a dictionary. The real question is why you care so much about this. Are you really so worried for my guests that they will not be able to make sense of the words I'm using? That's awfully kind of you to be so worried about my blog to want to correct it so much :-)

"You are probably well aware that quite a few of your comments follow the same pattern of emotional manipulation that the church uses on people.

You got made fun of a lot in highschool, didn't you? "

Avoiding the attribution, narrator? Afraid to look at what you're really all about?

9:34 PM  
Blogger Jason King said...

"It only requires a vague term to be used without clarification. "

As I stated previously, the term Mormonism may be next to impossible to define, like the term religion. And as I stated previously, I have clarified in what context I used the term Mormonism in the titles of my post; for example, Mormonism as a tribe.

"As a pompous intellectual ass, I like to point out what I see as confusions and problems in others' theories and postulations. While my rhetoric may seem quite harsh and accusatory (it's something I need to work on), the main point is that of understanding"

I will tell you what you are doing, and you know damn well it's not for understanding. It started with you being hurt somehow when you were still developing emotionally. You had a huge expectation that people were supposed to love you, and when your dad hurt you in some way, you couldn't understand how he could do that to you. And now, in your mind, that is all you really focus on. You focus on that pain and terror, and how you never really had the strength to fight your dad, or overcome the symbolism of the authority that your dad had. In a sense, the symbol of authority was really hurting you. In order to get out of that hurt, you had to contrive of an emotional reality where you became the authority. In order to do that, you would have to destroy other people's understanding and then set yourself up as the authority. This became very easy for you to do. You developed a way to find nuanced weaknesses in other people, and then you would turn their world upside down so only your words would make sense, and then you become the authority.

You don't even realize that's why you do it. And now everything you do is to gain knowledge in order to be the authority. But this is out of order, because it is not real knowledge of real principles of reality, it is the knowledge of how to usurp a person's understanding. How to usurp the confidence that other's have in themselves. This works well on the emotionally weak, the young, and those that have the appearance of knowledge.

You love to show that other people are wrong, and you really love to pound down on the weak, those that can't defend themselves. You sense the emotional fear of others and you use that to slap them with it. You love feeling their pain when their confidence in themselves comes crashing down around them.

Ultimately, your desire to inflict pain has no end; you're merciless, violent, and ugly. And it seems like you'd do terrible things to weaker kids, and you love it. You love the fact that you could do that. There's a real violent side to you, that wants to get back at the hurt that you suffered. Once you get into authority, you crack down on them, you won't let up until their crying bloody murder, and then you orgasm over their suffering. You do it because you love power, and because you think that is the way out of your own pain. It's an ugliness in your heart that will never end, unless you want it to. Really, you do all of this because you can. You can instinctively feel the fear of others. And you know exactly what buttons to push in order to make them feel afraid. You don't want anyone to know the depth of your capacity; how sinister those desires are inside of you.

This is corruption. It is the corruption of the soul. You use your talents to inflict pain on others, and you enjoy it. You will never find peace with this way of living your reality, ever. There is a way out of it all, but you have to let go of your desire for power. You have to look at the pain that you first experienced, and then forgive whomever hurt you. Once you start on that road, you will find that your abilities and insights will be much more beautiful. Your soul will become beautiful because you focus on beauty. And then, you will be in control, and not controlled by your pain and emotions. But that direction is the opposite of the one you are now taking, but it is not impossible to turn around towards the good.

11:24 PM  

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